Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina
Help someone who is in a worse situation than you because it will immediately raise your level of consciousness.
Read this: Erin Pavlina’s Blog » Blog Archive » The Spiritual Consequences of Suicide
Every morning you wake up find 5 things to be grateful for.
Remember you are never truly alone. Your spirit guides, angels, and higher self are with you. So is God/Source.
Remember you are loved.
Erin, the rest of your advice was...uh...not really applicable to me. So I will just concentrate on number one.
I have tried to forgive myself. It is what I am doing now. It is one of the mental tools I use to keep my shame in check. I have tried so hard to forgive myself for everything. (And yes, I do know what true forgiveness is) But after a point the forgiveness simply stops working.
I think that if I forgive myself completely, then I might very well see no reason to go on living. My problem is that I DON'T KNOW how to look forward to life. I literally don't know.
Imagine that your life is a bank account, and everytime you felt pain or sadness you withdrew money, while everytime you felt pleasure or joy you deposited money. Well, right now the most I can even conceive of in my head is having a flat balance of zero. That is what I'm working so hard towards.
If I could just balance out my pain with my pleasure, then I would be fulfilled. That would be enough for me.
I spent my entire childhood in a state of near-perpetual fear. As such, my entire emotional system is structured around the avoidance of threats, which is why I feel so little emotion when it comes to anticipating positive things in the future. I’m just not motivated to do anything unless there’s fear involved. This is the way I have been conditioned. The idea of positive future outcomes resulting from my present actions is an alien concept to me. All I do now. I do in faith. Faith is what is sustaining me. I only know how to avoid bad. I do not know how to move towards good.
I have faith that there is better. But I can't really feel, know, or experience this better, so I can't really use it in that way.