Originally Posted by Andrew Gubb
Yeah, I'd recommend talking to a professional.
If you really know this is the right thing for you, I'd say that you shouldn't let other people's feelings hold you back in your path. I'd say that for anything, though suicide is a whole different level. You have to be sure this is the right thing, it's not a decision that can be taken lightly. Though I guess you know that.
Your mother will be sad, but in the end I guess she has to trust you and be happy for you if what you've done is for your highest good. Not that she necessarily will be happy for you or trust you, but if she can't find forgiveness in her heart, that would then be her growth challenge and not yours.
That's really well said!
From my personal experience with my mom's suicide, with friends that were suicidal I think to get attention and from my own waking up process where I've often wished my life would end, i sincerely believe that if the desire to kill oneself is a logical idea to stop one's problems, that if he can see the source of his problems, ignorance of life, then he can find a path out of ignorance and into intelligence. Life is innately mysterious and beautiful so life isn't the problem. The problem is a lack of awareness and that can be fixed.
The painter Vincent Van Gogh committed suicide, not because he was fed up with life but because he realized his potential in life and, so fulfilled, he was ready to move on. He didn't see any reason to keep the body alive when spiritually he had fulfilled his calling, so he punched out.
In the end life is life as Andrew said beautifully. It continually offers us challenges to grow. I miss my mom and wished she hadn't given up. I wish she would've come to realize what I have but I know that her suicide did force me to reflect on life and that became part of my waking up. Andrew's words ring true with my life experience.
Just please don't use words to rationalize suicide. That becomes a game of logic and if you find the right catchy thought, you may actually try to kill yourself while you are infatuated with the thought. Suicide really hurts people terribly. Turn your confusion into a question, into a quest to figure this life out! :-).
What you will find out is that the ego needs to die, not the body.