I have been where you are and you must be feeling terrible reaching the depths of suicidal thoughts. I found an article titled 'Dark night of the Soul'. It explained what I was going through and helped me to accept this process of change. I do believe acceptance, rather than trying so hard makes it easier.
You may not see the changes in yourself but I can tell you one for sure, and that is your level of endurance is remarkable! Endurance is born from the painful experiences you are enduring in this period of your life. It isn't easy, my friend, but allow it and it will be the making of you.
See how resilient you are. See how strong you are. See how passionate you are. Know that you are sharing this experience with millions of others, many of whom will take their own lives as many have. You can become a leader out of this darkness through your own life experience.
Make no mistake. You are no wilting violet. You have no need of positive affirmations. The truth of you will do very nicely.
Originally Posted by m18pak
To all who read this, I'm asking for your help.
I have been depressed and miserable ever since I can remember. I know what it's like to have a mental breakdown. I have fallen to the deepest depths, and yet I know that there is still further to fall.
My core is pain.
I have tried to change. To bring about my self-destruction so that I could be reborn. I have read literally hundreds of books in the past year and months, on any subject related to change. I know about emotional control, context expansion, productivity, spirituality, mind power and more. I have tried so hard in every way to stop being me. I have tried.
But, I'm still stuck where I've always been.
If you don't know about the levels of consciousness, Steve's article on the topic is here: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...consciousness/
I'm still stuck firmly in Shame.
I still want to kill myself. What stopped me before was hatred. I hated the idea of being beaten by the world; I swore that I wouldn't be defeated.
And now, that hatred is gone, and with it all my will to keep living. I would do it too; I would take that final fatal step, except that I have come to believe in reincarnation, and I don't want to just be born again.
I am ashamed. I'm so ashamed. And I don't know how to change that. I don't know what to do now.
What do I do? How do I go up towards the light?
Do you know?