To all who read this, I'm asking for your help.
I have been depressed and miserable ever since I can remember. I know what it's like to have a mental breakdown. I have fallen to the deepest depths, and yet I know that there is still further to fall.
My core is pain.
I have tried to change. To bring about my self-destruction so that I could be reborn. I have read literally hundreds of books in the past year and months, on any subject related to change. I know about emotional control, context expansion, productivity, spirituality, mind power and more. I have tried so hard in every way to stop being me. I have tried.
But, I'm still stuck where I've always been.
If you don't know about the levels of consciousness, Steve's article on the topic is here:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...consciousness/
I'm still stuck firmly in Shame.
I still want to kill myself. What stopped me before was hatred. I hated the idea of being beaten by the world; I swore that I wouldn't be defeated.
And now, that hatred is gone, and with it all my will to keep living. I would do it too; I would take that final fatal step, except that I have come to believe in reincarnation, and I don't want to just be born again.
I am ashamed. I'm so ashamed. And I don't know how to change that. I don't know what to do now.
What do I do? How do I go up towards the light?
Do you know?