Thanks pyrogen
You are right.
The thing is I know this. And I keep repeating it. Thats why I was mostly disappointed in myself after I realized the truth of the situation.
I felt ashamed that I couldn't restrain myself
. That I was so impatient for his kiss already. wanting to rush to romance. Like flipping to the end pages of a novel...
But Im going to try to take your advice.
There were some hints along the way of the day that were also clear that he wasnt the one, but I wanted to give a blind eye.
For instance he kept teasing me about being vegan. Saying that Ill never understand the local culture and its so problematic etc...
The night after we kissed I dreamt about him. In the dream he and I didnt share the same values, and in the dream he even told me that he is anti-semitic. Of course he is not in real life, but me being Jewish, I guess that the dream was telling me that he wasnt accepting of who I am on a deep level.
Also in the dream I wanted to give him a lot of abundance which he didnt want to take.
I often have dreams about a person immediately after I meet them, telling me something I need to know.
I woke up and I knew this was not a good sign.
Another thing I noticed was that after we kissed I was expecting the other shoe to drop, I was waiting for him to say "I have a gf, or Im gay or whatever as long as it was clear that it cant work.
But when he didnt I was so shocked that I thought wow! for the first time there are no obstacles, this might just work!
But the truth is I was already "writing" that ending in my mind.
Last night I decided to re-write a different ending to the story. One where it just works. One where he really is into me, and wants a relationship with me. As technically it could've ended up that way too...
It felt nice to write another scenario.
I realized how unfamiliar that is for me. How I just expect it to end before it begins, bc thats what happened with the last 10 guys I really liked since my last bf back in 2007!
It was nice to come back home and even to my roomate. I spent the last weeks building good relationship with him. Giving a bit more then expected etc, it was nice to be greeted by someone really caring and generous after the bad feeling I left the big city with.
So, I havent given up on love. Im still learning.
Last night I dreamt Steve Pavlina offered me to take a new route instead of down the streets I always walked down, I told him sure, its weird Ive never taken that route even though Ive lived here for a while...
So I will take that advice, and try a new route. Its all subjective reality anyways...