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Old 10-29-2011, 11:13 PM   #30 (permalink)
pyrogen
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern California
Posts: 3,030
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The thing is... For the most part, you don't tend to find love by going around and engaging sexually (including kissing)... A huge number of people I know, who have successfully found love, it does not always resemble the romantic movie or follow through from an impulsive vacation romance or even from immediate intense chemistry.

It helps to be very very clear on what results you want so that you can calibrate what you are doing to achieve those results...

This event does not mean that you will never find love. Perhaps it is in your path to learn from. For example, if you adopt a meta-position above your problem, you can see where you have experienced problems and avoid doing the same thing that has kept bringing you undesirable results.

In this case - and I see this common one with a lot of women - it's going around town kissing with your eyes metaphorically closed. A lot of women basically randomly meet people and get into sexual situations with them, and consider this sexy and romantic, but it doesn't seem to help them find love. I usually advise women who have a constant pattern of hurt and being used, to back away, maybe be celibate for a little while, and just be friends with men. Then go out with the men with whom one is already friends. more couples actually form via a common context and shared socializing than by meeting out of the blue.

Usually I hear that this is not sexy or romantic, but if you are not getting the
results that you want, sometimes you need to examine whether it is going to happen via the means you are using.

Once you are in love, you probably will not even care how it happened. And you will find a way to work "we were friends first" into your love narrative so that in retrospect, it is sexy and romantic.

Now, as for the change in scenery - the sad truth is that you take yourself with you wherever you are.
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