Thanks for reminding me pyrogen.
Well almost everything... Things are happening though.
Wow, even when I live in a small village with no one I know, I manage to recreate the same issues. Whats up with that??
So someone I met here told me they have a beautiful apartment for me free for the weekend, in one of Europe's most romantic cities, which is just a short train ride away. So I decided to go.
I read on FB (I had to get back on there for certain reasons) that this guy I met once, months ago, in a party in NYC is there.
He lives in NY but is visiting his hometown which is in this city I was going to for the weekend.
So we met in the evening briefly and he offered to give me a tour of the city the next morning.
At 9am we rented bikes and he showed me all around the most beautiful places, cathedrals, museums, rivers and canals, parks, cafes, palaces. We went everywhere! it was so fun. the weather was perfect. It was like a dream!
Or like a movie.
There was strong attraction going on, I was in heaven! He was very caring and funny and attentive. Plus he is very handsome. I couldnt help thinking "This may be it!". It felt like the film "before sunrise"
I was waiting for him to kiss me already! hoping that he would...
Finally at 10pm we were quite tipsy from a few glasses of wine from all the bars he took me to, and finally we kissed in a pretty alley.
I think I can say he is the best kisser I've ever engaged with.
We parted ways around 2am.
In the morning I walked around and I called him at 1pm. He offered to come over and then take me to more museums and then to the station to catch my train home. But instead we just got kissing again in the apartment.
We started really making out and then he said that there is a girlfriend waiting for him back in NY. he's flying back there in a two weeks.
I admit this made me feel sad and disappointed. I tried to be cool, but my disappointed showed through. I was very hurt. maybe even angry.
Suddenly this guy who I was already fantasizing about a future with, appeared as a complete a**hole.
He blamed me for tempting him, but then he took it back.
I was disappointed also in myself at being so blind.
But then I caught the train back to my village and slowly the sad feeling passed. Suddenly I didnt feel regret anymore, but more grateful for such a delightful experience.
Maybe I'll never find love. Maybe I will. I almost dont care anymore.
Maybe I was meant to be without a loving partner. I dont know.
And maybe this was just to give me a taste of what its like to be with a fun loving partner, even though its not the real deal yet.
Its weird bc before I left the US I wrote this whole romantic story about meeting someone in this city, and basically the day I shared with him is more of less what I wrote. So I keep manifesting scenes in the reality I want, but not the whole reality. Im scared I guess.
For now Im just letting go (again). If it happens it happens. Im just too tired of getting my hopes up and being disappointed again and again.
Im not built for this. its too tiring