[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Elfwing

Thanks for your reply.

Yeah, I read a symptom list of BPD and that looks like my mother, alright. Of course, she thinks it's everyone else in the family who has mental issues, not her. (Really.)

That sounds about right. Keep in mind that neither of us are trained proffessionals though so it's important not to categorize your mother...but it does sound likely. It also sounds very similar to Narcisisstic Personality Disorder. You might try googling for adult children of Narcisissts support groups if you want to learn more and see if anyone elses stories you can relate to?

I've only snapped at her three times that I can remember, and the third was pretty recent. Two out of three times she dissolved into tears and still has not let me live it down even though the first time was four years ago, and I had my name dragged through the mud for weeks. (My brother has more of a spine than me and started confronting her, and for months my mother did nothing but snarl about him to anyone who would listen.) I've had her burst into tears because of something I said when I wasn't even being confrontational -- she insisted she came up with a nickname for a character in a movie, and I smiled and said that it was me, and she snapped "I'm not stupid!" and burst into tears. My father gave me the dirtiest look for it.

Mine would ignore me for up to 4 whole weeks over the slightest upset. I think most of the time she had forgotten what she was actually pissed at me for, but was so habitual with the silent treatment that she just couldn't snap out of it. The last time was when I failed to laugh at her unfunny joke, which I didn't even realize she had made as I was too wrapped up in the show on t.v...how terrible of me. For that I was ignored for a week.

Ah, bitching aside, yes, I would say she definitely has issues. In my head I've been visualising telling her to cut stuff out when she does something, and lately I've even been dreaming about it. I can't do it in my head forever, though! I feel like a gun about to go off and I'm still working on my courage. The last time I snapped at her, actually, was completely spontaneous where I'd usually shut up. It felt good. I'm slowly getting there. I'm scared she'll pitch the rest of my family against me for it. Then I'll have to deal with three angry people instead of one. (More motivation to get the hell out of here, yay!)

Have you considered contacting someone from your local mental health department? They may be able to help you with little ways of communicating with her that might work better? You never know....?

I'd say she's terrified of me leaving the nest. She hates it when people expect her to do everything for them, but she won't let them do things on their own either if she can help it. She's always acted like she won't smother me when I leave, that I'm off living my own life... but in all honesty I'm expecting so much conflict and passive-aggression when I move out. Because she won't be happy about it, at all. And she can damned well put up with it.

It does sound like it to me. I've known loads of women who behave this way just in share house situations. They do all the housework, and then complain that I never did anything...but how could I when they made sure everything is always done already...and no one can match their standards of cleanliness so they don't trust anyone else to do it! They get to play the martyr, so at least they get something for all their 'hard work'. Maybe if they left me something to do, I'd be able to actually participate.

Thanks for your encouragement. Here's to taking back power!

No problem, and good luck...you'll need it.