Sorry I kinda disappeared.
In the meantime Ive moved across the Atlantic to a small European seaside town.
So, a lot less people in my life is an understatement.
Plus I dont speak the language (Im learning though) and hardly anyone speaks English.
None the less, its nice. I live across the street from the ocean.
A slow pace. I came here for career reasons and its all paid for. All I have to do is create. Do what i love to do. No financial worries. No other worries. Bills etc.. Its all taken care of.
All I have to do is be creative. They dont even expect to see any end results. So uts quite a gift.
I live with a man. I only just met him. He's the only one in town who speaks English well. We get on fine. It almost surprises me. I havent lived with anyone in years for more than 2 -3 weeks. And here we are confined to each other. Hes not a romantic option. No interest in that sense (hes involved and I have no interest anyway), but Im learning to be generous and kind.
It almost feels like Im practicing on him sharing my life with someone.
Today I discovered a great pool in town. I got a subscription. As I was swimming I said to myself there's no one here to love you but yourself.
Yup. Im so used to needing outside approval. Im used to turning heads and guys chatting me up that Ive almost come to rely on this for my own approval. But now its not the same.
Now Im here alone and I realized that I am the love Ive been waiting for.
Yes, this sounds like a cliche, but truly, there is now one else here but me.
This is an opportunity to explore this new kind of love. The partner will come.
Ive had days here where I felt so desperate. I saw a loving couple on a train and started crying right in front of them because their love seemed so unattainable for me and I felt so alone. but now self love is what I will focus on.
Thanks for being here forum. I missed you