Originally Posted by Cado
(Full disclosure: I started cooking my own meals, doing my own laundry, setting my own bed time, along with a number of other, smaller things when I was 13. Frankly, I think that anyone who goes past that age without doing all of that (or at least being able to) is being coddled or kept artificially immature.)
From a female perspective, you are rare. There are so many guys who have had mothers who do everything for them, that they don't even do these basic things...and are therefore a nightmare to have as a partner...if you have feminist tendencies (like I do). I actually place the responsability on mothers to stop doing everything for their sons and treating them like little emperors and start encouraging self-reliance from a young age, so they are 'trained'for when they become adults and enter into real relationships with women.
Whole generations of boys growing into supposed adults but expecting their girlfriends to do all the basics. I'd rather be single.
In my particular case, I've never been lectured or what have you when I've been around my parents for prolonged periods-I'm stubborn. They came to the realization they had no control over me while I was still a teenager and we're on much more equal terms as a result. The kicker for me is the psychological impact-I'm still uniquely affected by my mother. If she had more of a spine I'd probably have to avoid her altogether-either that or our relationship would be somehow healthier. There's a total lack of conflict there and that's not a good thing in this case.
Mine just won't enter into any sort of confrontation when it comes to conflict that rises, so passive-aggression is her method of "coping"...or just simply, the silent treatment, which is her favorite method of punishment. She thinks I crave conflict when really I'm just more willing to face it head on than she is, so we can move past it...which to me, is a healthy way of dealing with it.
I don't think anyone wants to hate or be hated by their relatives-especially their parents-but when parents are left high and dry they need to ask themselves: what did I do to bring this on myself? It's a hard question and it implies guilt, but it's a necessary antidote to saying, "I fed them, clothed them, sacrified for them..." because if they can't see things from their kid's point of view the relationship can't be healed.
Past a certain point there has to be some sort of bubble bursting so they come back down to earth and realize they are no longer gods to their kids, but just people who make mistakes...and respect is something that needs to be earned in life...it's not a given, and certainly not when they impose abuse on their kids consistently. Everything in life has consequences...and a person can only put up with so much.