You may have seen other maps of conscious growth such as those from David Hawkins, Ken Wilber, or the Scientologists. I’ve studied all of their maps in detail, but I always felt something was missing from them. So I put a lot of effort into going deeper into this subject than I believe anyone else has ever done before, and eventually I came up with something that — I believe — will render all other maps of conscious growth obsolete.

So… drumroll please… here is the new and improved map of conscious growth, from the lowest level of consciousness to highest level of enlightenment:

1. Complete idiots
2. Catholics
3. Meat eaters
4. Skeptics
5. Late sleepers
6. Broke people
7. Cubicle workers
8. Facebook addicts
9. Stalkers
10. Married people
11. LOAers *
12. Left-handers **
13. Computer game developers
14. Polyamorous BDSMers
15. Personal growth bloggers
16. Canadians

* An LOAer is a person who subscribes to the Law of Attraction. They see 11s everywhere.

** You must be left-handed to progress to Tier 12 and beyond. Right-handedness implies excessive conformity. Ambidexterity means you’re indecisive. And not having hands implies clumsiness.

The worst place to get stuck is Tier 6 since those people have a hard time affording my workshops. In order for them to stop being broke, they need to find a tolerable cubicle. From there they can develop an addiction to social media, which will in turn help them develop good stalking skills.

Most likely you have a long way to go. Be patient with yourself. Conscious growth is a marathon, not a sprint.

I’ve been working on this path for more than two decades, and I’m still not at the top level, although I’m having a lot of sex with someone who is. That does seem to help. It really is blissful to be so close to enlightenment.

Have you noticed that each time someone creates a linear map of consciousness (i.e. a series of defined tiers that you can progress through), they almost always put themselves on the 2nd or 3rd rung from the top, with the top tier being the idealized version of their values? Are their values universal? Of course not.

On someone else’s map, this same nearly enlightened person could be slotted anywhere, often somewhere in the middle. On my new and improved map, most of them haven’t even made it past level 3.

There is no universal, tiered, linear map of conscious growth. There is simply expansion, with no direction being more or less enlightened than any other. This is true not only for individuals but for societies as well.

If you wish to become your own guru, then feel free to construct your own tiered map of consciousness. It’s a lot of work to be sure, but I think you’ll find as I did that it’s truly a labor of love. Make the top tier a clone of your values. If you want to feign some humility (which I recommend), put yourself on the 2nd or 3rd rung from the top. Just make sure you’re in the top quarter no matter what, or you won’t get as much sex as other gurus, and you may someday find yourself backsliding to Tier 10.

Uncopyrighted by Steve Pavlina

Sometimes they screw up and accidentally do something right. They’re usually able to sabotage these unwanted successes in short order, but they like it best when they can prevent these positive experiences from ever happening in the first place.

If you count yourself among this under-acknowledged and under-appreciated group, here are some suggestions for how you can do a better job of staving off success and ensuring absolute failure till you die.

Wrong Road

Notice the paths that happy and successful people take, and avoid those paths. Favor the popular paths since those will help you achieve average results at best, and average results should safely prevent undesirable feelings of fulfillment. The best roads are those that leave you feeling like you’re walking in circles till you’re too tired to walk anymore and must retire. Roads that are flat or which slope downhill are often good choices, and they tend to satisfy the popularity requirement as well. Avoid any paths that lead over hills or near mountains; the elevated views are disturbing. Head towards terrain you dislike since it’s easier to hate your life when you hate your surroundings. If you can manage to get lost as well, that’s wonderful.

Wrong Tendencies

Take stock of which habits are creating the best results for you, and abandon them. Replace them with habits that ensure no forward progress. Even better are habits that cause backsliding. Watch lots of TV. Eat fast food. Avoid exercising. Make Facebooking the highlight of your day.

Wrong Place

It’s important to live in a place that emanates a going-nowhere vibe. Look for spots that attract people with average or below average incomes, and favor surroundings that are so ugly, even Shakespeare would succumb to writer’s block. Live with people who will encourage you to take paths you clearly don’t want; living with your parents for as long as possible can be very helpful here.

Wrong Time

Never take action when you can justify delay. Stay on the sidelines for as long as you can, and avoid the field for as long as possible. Be non-punctual. Eventually the opportunities will pass. There’s less pressure in showing up late since no one will expect much of you. If you act too soon, you’re risking success.

Wrong Reason

People are notoriously nosy, and sooner or later they’ll inquire about your plans. There’s an unfair assumption that everyone should be looking to improve their lives, so you’ll need to get good at deflecting their queries with false responses. When they eventually take note of your seeming lack of forward progress, put the blame on external factors such as the economy, how unfair your boss is, how unreasonable your ex was, etc. If you tell people the truth, they may try to motivate you to make some changes, and you definitely don’t want that.

Wrong Day

Get up late if you feel best as an early riser, and drag yourself out of bed early if you feel best sleeping in late. Throughout the day, strive to do the opposite of whatever makes you feel happy and productive. Most people find it helpful to get a job doing work they dislike. This ensures that even if they manage to enjoy a nice morning and/or evening, the hours spent at work will drag the whole day down, ensuring an unpleasant overall experience.

Wrong Week

String several wrong days in a row, and you can create a very mediocre week — perhaps even a downright bad week if you work at it. It’s important not to do anything genuinely restorative on the weekend — burn up the time with laziness, inactivity, and pointless entertainment as much as possible. You want to head into Monday morning feeling disempowered from the get-go. If you can manage to maintain feelings of stress, depression, or boredom throughout the whole week, you’re golden. Once you’re locked into such a pattern, don’t do anything to upset it.

Wrong Method

Learn from other people’s failures, and copy them. Use methods that have proven ineffective in the past, ensuring that you’ll get similar lousy results. Look to your own past as well. Notice what has never worked for you, and keep doing it. If it didn’t work back then, it will continue not working today.

Wrong Technique

Don’t be too creative or try to innovate. Copy someone else’s technique if you can. Fitting in with the crowd is safer than standing out as a distinct individual. It’s easier to stave off success if you favor the popular techniques of the masses — don’t do anything too fancy. Style is too close to success.

Wrong Mix

Make sure the key ingredients you’re putting into your life don’t mix well together. Get a job that doesn’t pay enough to cover your expenses, so you can’t make ends meet. Get a relationship partner who can’t get along with your friends. Stock your kitchen with foods that keep you feeling slightly sick much of the time. Keep yourself off balance.

Wrong Genes

Disempower yourself by blaming your problems on your DNA. Let your genes serve as the ultimate limitation. Ignore the truth that your thoughts largely determine how your genes express themselves.

Wrong Ends

It’s hard to avoid setting goals altogether because part of your brain will want to fill this void. Keep this spot filled with analog pseudo-goals that will attach to your goal receptors and effectively block real goals from accidentally falling into place. These have been proven to work well: make more money, get a relationship, find a job, etc. The lack of specificity makes procrastination go down easier.

Wrong Means

If you ever do get sucked into working on a goal, take the most circuitous route you can. Instead of starting a real business that provides value and makes money, keep yourself occupied with pointless busywork like fussing over the design of your logo and business cards. Switch projects frequently so that nothing ever ships. Create the illusion of progress without causing anything quantifiable to occur.

Wrong Plan 

Create flawed plans to reach your goals, plans that any reasonably intelligent person would be able to poke full of holes. Be sure that at least one crucial step requires a horcrux.

Wrong Hands

Avoid becoming too good at anything. Skill is a recipe for success, so keep yourself as unskilled as possible. Avoid books, audio programs, seminars, and educated people. Your education ended a long time ago; don’t try to resurrect it. Let your unskilled hands fall further behind with each passing year.

Wrong Eyes

Use a perspective that disempowers you. Rule out the angles that would make your problems look too easily solvable. If you blow problems out of proportion, it’s easier to stay stuck. If a problem looks too solvable, you might be tempted to actually solve it, and that’s only going to speed you along the path of success — bad idea!

Wrong Prize

Set goals that others expect you to achieve, even if you don’t really care about them. Surely everyone else is right, and you’re wrong, so get with the program and pretend you like it.

Wrong Questions

Ask questions that cannot possibly provide you with helpful answers, such as Why can I never get ahead? Why are people always mean to me? Why am I such a ‘fraidy cat all the time?

Wrong Replies

Now take those lame questions, and try to answer them anyway. Be as disempowering as you can. I can never get ahead because I’m stupid. People are mean to me because I’m a loser. I’m a ‘fraidy cat because I have no social skills, so I know I’ll embarrass myself as soon as I open my mouth.

Wrong Drum

March to the beat of someone else’s drum, never your own. The best advice for you to follow is that which comes from people who seem to care about you but who are too incompetent to know what they’re talking about. Seek health advice from overweight smokers. Consider money advice from people who can barely pay their own bills. Relatives are often great choices for this.

Wrong Scum

Hang out with disenchanted losers regularly, elevating them to buddy status. Better yet, swear loyalty to them as your peer group. If anyone shows the slightest hint of ambition or brilliance, accuse them of being crazy, and either numb them with sufficient quantities of alcohol, or boot them out of your tribe. Openly welcome new members who demonstrate their adeptness at sarcasm and who wield a video game collection that rivals your own.

Wrong Energy

Keep your vibe intentionally out of sync with happiness, success, and fulfillment. Visualize failure whenever you get a chance. When you feel pissed off, amplify it into rage. When you feel sad, feed the sadness into a mopey numbness that you can drag out for weeks. Worry a lot. Know that things are always going downhill for you.

Wrong Signs

Determine that you’ve consumed a sufficient number of venti lattes that your dormant psychic abilities must have finally awakened. Interpret every incoming text message as a sign that you’re on the right path, even though the only people who seem to care that you exist are just as lost as you are. Interpret the seeming lack of forward progress in any quantifiable areas of your life as spiritual growth. Inner growth is always invisible.

Wrong Intensity

Be a hapless couch potato for 28 out of every 30 days who thinks that getting up at 7am is the height of ambition. Then follow it with a 48-hour mania spree where you tell everyone you can about an inspired idea you’re never going to implement. Blow your wad with excited talk once a month; then return to the cozy comfort of inaction.

Wrong Tune

You know you’re on track to misery when you listen to the overall song of your life, and all you can perceive is discordant noise where everything sounds like it’s out of tune. If something starts working, and you begin to hear something resembling music, then figure out what’s creating those nasty harmonies, and break it.

Wrong Too Long

If you’re already applying most of the above, then you shouldn’t have to worry about success, happiness, and fulfillment infecting your dreary existence. You can relax and coast to the coffin from here. Keep it up! :)

Incidentally, this post was inspired by the song “Wrong” by Depeche Mode. Watch the video on YouTube.

Uncopyrighted by Steve Pavlina

+Family: Still looking for a better job. There just isn’t much out there these days. I’ll keep pounding the pavement weekends and evenings till I find something though. Sorry I can’t make it to the holiday thing this weekend, but finding a new job is important to me. Wish me luck!

+Roommates: Let’s do another weekend video game fest. That was fun last time!

+Hot Friends: I’m free Friday night. Let’s go out!!!

+Friends -HotFriends: Can’t on Friday… my boss is making me work late again.

+Ex’s: OMG… my wealthy uncle left me and my siblings $10M, and I haven’t even seen him since I was like 5.

+Friends to Dump: Can’t believe how gassy I’ve been lately. Went to the doctor, and he said it might be a permanent thing I’ll just have to deal with.

+Stalkers: It’s been a long time coming, but I’m finally moving to India to study meditation for a few years. I’ll miss all of you so much, but I’m going to a place where Internet access is very limited, so I probably won’t be online much for a while. xoxoxox

* * *

+Media: Looks like some silly prankster hacked into my account and posted fake sexy pics of me. I guess it happens when you’re changing the world. Let’s forget about it and move on to talking about real issues… like how we can keep spending money we don’t have, without it looking like we’re spending money we don’t have.

+Girlfriends: Dammit!!! Sent those pics to +Media instead of to you guys. I’m so toast.

+Wives: I know it’s hard on you, hon, but we’ll get through this. It will all blow over soon. You know you’re the only one for me. <3

+Public: We’ve had numerous complaints from privacy advocates about Google’s privacy practices, so we’re launching a panel to investigate them. If they don’t send someone to testify willingly, we’ll have to subpoena them.

+Wives +Girlfriends: Don’t worry… we’re gonna work Eric Schmidt over till he guarantees this sort of thing can never happen again.

+Wives: No idea why those people commenting on that last update are acting so familiar. I just sent it to you and my staff members.

+Facebook +Microsoft: Thanks again for the campaign contributions!

Uncopyrighted by Steve Pavlina

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, then you’d probably expect me to take a non-traditional approach to staffing. You’d be right.

After writing articles like 10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I’m not interested in creating dull, corporate-style positions and then looking for people to fill those predetermined roles, as if I’m buying parts for a machine. My business is too fluid for such rigidity anyway. I need people who can be flexible, adaptable, and willing to do what needs to be done. This tends to be true of small businesses in general though — people wear many different hats.

Second, I think the traditional employer-employee model is too rooted in industrial-age thinking. My business is highly creative and always evolving, so I need growth-oriented people who will push themselves to develop new skills and embrace new experiences. I’m aware that many businesses spend millions training their employees to become Farmville pros, but that isn’t a core skill for my business.

And lastly, I don’t want to work with people who just want a job to pay the bills. I want people who have the right heart set, people who are motivated to help create and deliver growth experiences for others — and to contribute to a powerful group energy that’s dedicated to this pursuit.

Lots of people are looking for work right now, and I have far more work on my plate than I can personally handle. I have an abundance of opportunities that I need help to pursue. So I think the timing is right to start building a staff.

Economic Considerations

Let’s be brutally honest. Unemployment is very high right now. In my home state where the reported unemployment rate is around 13-14%, it’s estimated that the true unemployment rate is more than 22% when you factor in the people who’ve given up looking for work.

Lots of people are in need of work. And I have plenty for them to do.

Many people think they need money to pay their bills, but they really don’t. Those are merely socially conditioned needs. People need food and shelter, but if they have those needs covered, then they don’t actually need money.

This isn’t a situation where I need to pay people to do work for me. I just have to make sure their basic needs are met well enough, and it should be no problem finding plenty of people to work for me for no pay.

This eliminates a lot of red tape as well. If I don’t have to put people on the payroll, then it’s less paperwork, less taxes, and more money to reinvest in growing the business. And if people aren’t officially employees, then I don’t have to worry about various rules and regulations that apply to employer-employee relationships. This greatly reduces the complexity of my business and makes it leaner and more efficient, meaning that we can provide more value to people with less overhead. It also means we can offer lower prices for products and services.

In light of the above, I’ve considered many different staffing models, trying to figure out what would be the best fit for my business, my values, and the current economy. Eventually I settled on a model that I feel pretty good about…

Slavery

I have to admit that I don’t really want employees. If I wanted employees, I’d have hired some years ago. Deep down, I know that hiring employees isn’t the right direction for me. It’s not what I truly desire.

What I really want is to build a staff of slaves.

Slavery solves so many problems that I’d otherwise have to deal with if I hired employees or worked with independent contractors. Even unpaid interns can be a bit burdensome. Slavery is clearly the best option.

This model also aligns well with my ongoing exploration of D/s. I don’t want my workers calling me Boss. That just sounds lame. I’d much rather be called Master. It’s better for my self-esteem.

I already have more than a year of experience in the role of Master, and I like to think I’m getting pretty good at it. I have one excellent slave who’s been with me for more than a year, and I enjoy her immensely. However, she’s more of a personal slave than a business slave, although she does a great job of giving me typo reports on new blog posts. Eventually it dawned on me how great this slavery model would be if I extended it to my business as well.

The good news is that I’m a very benevolent Master. I have no desire to abuse or punish slaves, so there’s no need to worry about that. I only use positive conditioning and training methods. I’m very good at expressing gratitude and appreciation. I want my slaves to be happy and fulfilled. Unhappy slaves are no fun to work with.

Female slaves can be very sexy too. I’d especially love to have one as my secretary. Why on earth would I want to fill such a position with an employee — and be subjected to all the burdensome rules and regulations and potential liabilities that come with it — when I can fill this role with a willing slave instead? It’s a no-brainer — and it’s certainly a lot more fun — to recruit slaves instead of employees.

Also, since I’d prefer female slaves for certain positions (such as missionary), I don’t want to have to deal with laws regarding discrimination based on sex (slave sex is awesome), religion (you can’t have two Masters), height (shorter slaves are easier to dominate), etc. Involuntary slavery may be illegal, but voluntary slavery is perfectly legal, and it isn’t regulated by the same burdensome package of crazy laws that I’d have to deal with if I hired employees.

I also think that slave is a more honest and authentic job title than employee. I command. You obey. This is simple and straightforward.

The Benefits of Slavery

Fortunately slavery isn’t just about work, work, work. I intend to take really good care of my slaves, so there are some pretty cool benefits. I think that once you consider the overall lifestyle package of what enslavement can offer, you’ll surely agree it’s better than getting a regular job.

First, I’m happy to feed and shelter my slaves if they’re in Las Vegas (or willing to relocate), so you’ll get free housing and free vegan food. I have a big house in one of the nicest neighborhoods in Las Vegas, and there are some empty bedrooms that could easily be converted to slave quarters. We could probably fit 2-4 slaves in each room.

Slaves will also have full access to the pool and spa. Imagine relaxing in the hot tub and gazing up at the stars on a warm desert night at the end of a day of hard work. Your slave accommodations will be quite luxurious, certainly better than what most employees enjoy.

As my slave, you’ll be immersed in personal growth. You’ll gain valuable skills, learn the inner workings of my business, and have the opportunity to hang out with other growth-oriented people as well. You’d be surrounded by an amazing support group of fellow slaves, encouraging you to become the best slave you can possibly be.

As a slave you won’t have to worry about being fired since you’re not employed. If you got really uppity, the worst thing that would happen is that I might pawn you off on someone else. So you could still enjoy being a slave, just not with me as your Master. While I enjoy playful slaves very much, at the end of the day I need them to be obedient, not ornery.

Another benefit of slavery is that you no longer have to worry about discovering your life purpose. I know how challenging and confusing it can be to figure this out. Fortunately when you become my slave, it then becomes my responsibility to define your life purpose for you. Your purpose will be to serve me and my business and to help the business grow, prosper, and provide strong value to more people.

Full enslavement may seem like a big commitment, but I can make the decision easier for you. We can start with a probationary period of 3-6 months — a trial enslavement. Then you can see if you like it. If at any time during this period you decide that enslavement isn’t for you, we’ll restore your freedom and send you on your way. I’ve always had strong faith in the try-before-you-buy model. I think that once you get a taste of enslavement, you’ll never want to go back.

Of course the rewards for full enslavement can be even better in the long run. If you’re able to earn my trust, and if I see that you are indeed a hard working and loyal slave, then I may offer you the opportunity to travel around the world with me. I’d like to do workshops in other cities, both in the USA and abroad, so I’m going to need some slaves to help make this a reality. How does an all expenses paid trip to Europe sound? This could be your opportunity of a lifetime.

Now obviously you’ll have to relinquish your freedom to get access to all these benefits, but were you really taking full advantage of it anyway?

You see… enslavement is the new freedom. Think of how freeing it will be to no longer have to worry about paying rent, affording healthy food, or figuring out what to do with your life. You’ll be provided with abundant healthy food, a luxurious shelter, and limitless social opportunities. You’ll automatically inherit a meaningful life purpose — to help people live happier and more fulfilling lives and to co-create a more conscious planet. As a valued team member, you’ll be able to make a powerful contribution. You’ll be surrounded by a benevolent Master and fellow slaves who love you, and you’ll be showered with appreciation and gratitude for your service.

Think of how much happier your life will be as my slave. For some this is a dream come true.

How to Apply

If becoming my slave sounds good to you — and I’m sure it does — then please apply by writing to me at the mailing address on my contact page. I must insist that you use regular postal mail. I won’t be accepting emailed applications.

Qualified applicants for enslavement must be:

• loyal
• obedient
• submissive
• caring & compassionate
• hard working
• trainable
• horny (for certain positions)
• playful (but not too ornery or uppity)
• growth-oriented

Please include a personal letter explaining your interest in working with me. What kind of work appeals to you? How would you like to develop yourself? What would you like to contribute to my business and to this field?

Do you want to help improve Master’s website, assist in facilitating live workshops, serve as a personal assistant, be Master’s sexy secretary, etc? If it’s the latter, please include a submissive-looking photo of yourself.

It would be helpful for me to see your educational and employment history and what special skills you have, but please don’t merely send me your resume or CV. Your work history isn’t the only factor I’ll consider, and in some cases it isn’t even the most important element.

I need to get a good sense of where your heart is. What’s important to you in life, and how does enslavement fit into that picture?

Lastly, let me know if you’re willing to relocate to Las Vegas (or if you already live here) and if you’re able to meet up for an enslavement interview at some point. I could potentially use virtual slaves for certain tasks, but it’s just not the same as co-located slaves. The immersive environment is a significant part of the enslavement experience. And the more people I have calling me Master in person, the more motivated I am to do my best work.

Obviously I don’t need to know your salary requirements since there is no salary.

If you’re curious as to whether I can offer a health plan, I certainly want my slaves to be healthy and fit. I’ll make sure you get plenty of exercise and that you’re fed only vegan foods, so you don’t get sick too often. If you get hit by a bus, that’s a shame indeed, but I’m sure you can still do some kind of work once you recover. We’ll do the best we can to nurse you back to health.

I sincerely regret that I may not be able to enslave everyone who desires and deserves it. If you seem like a qualified candidate and if there’s still space available, I’ll do my best to accommodate you. Even if I can’t enslave you right away, it’s possible that with enough hard work from the initial group of slaves, we may be able to purchase a larger estate that can house more slaves. So don’t give up hope if you don’t make the first cut. If you want it badly enough, we can probably find a way to make it happen.

My staffing plan may seem unconventional, but I think you can see the logic of it. It’s obviously a win-win situation. I win with a staff of dedicated, loyal, obedient helpers and no stressful bureaucratic red tape to deal with. My slaves win with free food, shelter, training, love, encouragement, an amazing lifestyle, and in some cases… sex play. And my readers benefit with an abundance of fresh value such as an upgraded website and new products and services offered at very reasonable cost. After years of struggling to figure out how to build a staff in alignment with my values, I finally discovered a path that excites me.

Update 4/11/11 – Is this for real? Read Help Wanted (the Serious Version) to find out.

Uncopyrighted by Steve Pavlina

1.

I bought your game Dweep in 2002, but my hard drive crashed and I lost the game. Please send me the download link again. My grandson really wants to play.

[Dweep is a PC puzzle game I published in 1999. I stopped marketing it in 2004 and stopped selling and supporting it in 2006.]

2.

i thnk my b/f is cheeting on me cuz he sez im fat. plz hlp asap.

Sent from my iPhone

3.

I know your time is valuable, so I’ll be as brief as I can and get to the point. But first I need to explain my situation, so you’ll understand where I’m coming from.

<3000 words of complaining about life with his/her parents>

So how do you think I should deal with my Mom? I mean I guess I could move out and get a job or something, but I really don’t want to work at Starbucks.

4.

I’m working on a school project, and after reading some of your blog posts, I’ve decided to do it on the subject of polyphasic sleep. I need to interview you for the project because part of the assignment is that we have to interview an expert.

I’ve taken the liberty of attaching the interview questions below. Please send me your answers by Friday since my paper is due next week.

5.

Author X is coming out with a new book this week, and we’ve decided to give you the opportunity to be included in the launch promotion. Please give me your mailing address so I can send you a free copy of the book in exchange for a review on your website. I’ve pasted the press release below. Please post a copy of the review on Date Y, since that’s the day we’re doing a big marketing push.

[Oh boy! A free book!]

6.

Thank you so much! Reading your blog has truly changed my life.

<1000 words about trying to get out of bed before 8am and how success was finally achieved.>

7.

I’m 18, and I have a business idea that I’m sure is going to be a huge success. Please download and sign our NDA, and fax it back to me, so we can discuss it. I’m sure you’ll want to help us once you hear the idea. This is going to be huge!

8.

I just launched my new personal development blog at URL. Please take a look at it and tell me what you think. I want my site to be as successful as yours by the end of the year. I’m eager to hear what advice you have to share.

9.

I just joined the forums this week, and one of your moderators banned me for spamming. I signed up so I could use the forums to promote my new website. I can’t believe you guys banned me for spamming. Please look into this and restore my account. This is an amazing new service, and I want to make sure everyone knows about it.

10.

You are going to HELL for cheating on your wife.

<3000 words about God and Jesus>

Sent from my iPhone

Some of these may give you a chuckle, but they’re all based on actual emails I’ve received again and again. Of course there have been some amazing messages as well, but even the good stuff can lose its spiciness when it becomes a repetitive pattern.

For me the issue isn’t really about time savings. It has more to do with focus. When I take time out of each day to read messages like the above, it shifts my attention all over the place. This makes it harder to stay focused on my own goals and pursuits.

People send me feedback not just about my present day work, but about work I did going all the way back to the 90s. Imagine receiving daily feedback about things you did over the past decade instead of just the past week or two. Suppose that every day, people sent you questions about things you said or did in 2005, 2006, 2007… even 1999. Imagine what this forced nostalgia would do to your ability to stay focused on the present.

That’s been my daily reality for years. It’s been an interesting experience, but the effect is that it pulls my thoughts back to what I’ve already done, sending my attention backwards rather than forwards. For now I’d rather focus on living in the present.

I’m grateful that my years of blogging have been so positive, but I also want to make sure I create enough space to continue working on my own growth and development without feeling unreasonably tied to the past. I’m not trying to erase my past, but I don’t need to be reminded of it every day. Even a positive past can become a leash.

I know that recurring thoughts have the ability to manifest as real. If my thoughts keep going to the past, then I’ll manifest more of the same. As good as the past five years have been, I don’t want to live a re-run for the next five.

And take the job at Starbucks and move out. It may not be your dream job, but if it helps you leave a toxic environment, it will be a positive step forward. Just let me know where you’re working, so I can mooch a free venti soy vanilla rooibos latte.

Uncopyrighted by Steve Pavlina

The Idea-Implementation Gap

During the 1980s, my younger brother and I saw a TV ad for a device called The Clapper. You could hook up The Clapper to an electrical outlet, and it would allow you to turn the power on or off by clapping loudly a couple times. Perhaps the most common use for the device was to turn the lights on and off. So you could be lying in bed reading, and when you were ready to go to sleep, just clap your hands to turn the lights off. Clap again to turn the lights back on.

This seemed like a cool gadget at the time, so my brother and I got one. We shared a bedroom with bunk beds, so we thought The Clapper would be especially convenient for turning the lights on or off when we were on the top bunk, far from the light switch.

Initially The Clapper worked just as expected. We got used to it within a couple days. It was very nice to turn the lights off just by clapping. Such a cool gadget, we thought.

In the following weeks, however, we began to notice some strange side effects from The Clapper.

Some nights one of us would roll over in bed and notice that the lights were on. The Clapper must have turned them on by mistake. Sometimes when the lights turned on at night, it would be enough to wake one or both of us up. But other times we’d just be sleeping for a while with the lights shining on our faces. Occasionally our alarm clock would go off in the morning, and we’d notice that the lights were already on.

Other times we’d be sitting down doing our homework in the evening, and the lights would suddenly turn off. We’d have to clap again to turn them back on.

Eventually we figured out what was causing this screwy behavior.

Our next door neighbors had a dog, and our bedroom window was pretty close to their backyard. The dog could get within 10-15 feet of The Clapper, and if the dog barked loudly enough, it would turn our lights on and off.

If the dog ever barked in the middle of the night, it usually wasn’t enough to wake us up, but it was enough to turn our lights on.

If I recall correctly, the device had a sensitivity adjustment slider, but that didn’t help. If we made it sensitive enough for us to activate it, it was also sensitive enough for the dog to do so.

Oddly, once we realized The Clapper could be activated by barking, my brother and I also started barking. Instead of clapping, we would yelp, “Arf! Arf!” to turn the lights on or off. That became our preferred method because then we didn’t even have to move our arms — the ultimate in laziness.

Our barking had the side effect of making our parents and siblings think we were going a bit nuts, especially when we’d bark in the middle of the night to counteract the dog’s actions.

One night the dog was barking a lot, and our bedroom lights kept turning on. After the dog would bark, one of us would bark to turn the lights off again. Unfortunately my brother and I didn’t always coordinate well, so sometimes we’d both bark at the same time, and our actions would cancel each other. We’d end up turning the lights off and then on again. And when we’d bark, the dog could hear us too, and it would bark back at us, turning our lights back on once again.

Another problem was that usually one of us would wake up before the other, and that first person would bark to turn the lights off. This would often startle the person who was still sleeping.

“Arf! Arf!”

“What was that???”

“Just turning the lights off. Dog turned them on again.”

“Oh, okay…”

Suffice it to say that The Clapper didn’t last much longer in our home after that.

Although The Clapper seemed like a cool idea, it failed to perform well under these real-world conditions. In the end the problems it created were worse than the one it solved. My brother and I inadvertently entered into a barking contest with the neighbor’s dog.

Ludicrous Results

Despite the problems we encountered, it took my brother and me a while to admit defeat and dump The Clapper.

Why?

Partly it was because we’d gotten used to it. Even though our constant barking sounds silly in retrospect, the problems surfaced gradually enough that we developed a tolerance for them.

We also got into the habit of using The Clapper to turn the lights on and off. We barely used the light switch anymore. Upon entering the bedroom at night, we’d automatically bark to turn the lights on. And as we left the room, it was easy enough to yelp another “Arf! Arf!” to turn them off. After doing this for several weeks, the habit was ingrained, and we didn’t even question it anymore — although the rest of our family certainly did.

And lastly, our egos got involved. We didn’t want to admit defeat. Getting The Clapper was our decision, and we took pride in making good decisions. We didn’t want to admit that it was a waste of money. We wanted so much to believe, even in the face of evidence to the contrary.

So even though the results were ludicrous, we still kept using The Clapper for several more weeks.

Checking in with Yourself

Do you currently find yourself in a similar situation? Are you getting results in any areas of your life that an intelligent person would label as completely ludicrous? Are you in denial of the obvious?

What would an intelligent person say about your career path? How’s your relationships with your boss and co-workers? Anything ludicrous to report there?

How about your finances? Are those going smoothly, or are you heading for a ludicrous reckoning?

Same goes for your health habits… Is it smooth sailing there, or would an intelligent person predict a rude awakening somewhere down the road?

What about your relationships and social life? Would an intelligent person appreciate your choices, or would they roll their eyes in disgust?

How about your daily routine and habits? Are those generating good results for you, or are you addicted to patterns that yield completely ludicrous results?

Admitting Defeat

When you notice that your results in some part of your life are completely ludicrous, it’s time to admit defeat and cut your losses.

It was hard for my brother and me to ditch The Clapper, but eventually we saw the “light” of reason. We had to admit that using the light switch was better than turning into dogs.

Just as The Clapper became a trigger for our ludicrous behavior, you may have some ludicrous triggers in your own life. All my brother and I had to do was dump The Clapper, and the ludicrous behavior went away.

What are your triggers? How can you remove those triggers from your life?

If you keep certain foods in your kitchen that trigger you to overeat, perhaps you should stop buying those foods altogether. Tell your friends and family that if they ever find such items in your house, you’ll pay them $100.

If your boss is a trigger for unreasonable behavior, fire your boss. You deserve better than to work under ludicrous conditions.

If a certain friend or family member triggers ludicrous reactions in you, dump ‘em. Shift your attention to more reasonable people.

If you catch yourself wasting hours and hours watching TV or playing video games, dump the TV, games, and game systems. If the Internet is your problem, you can install blocking software to prevent you from accessing sites that trigger your addiction. Or simply offer a $100 reward to anyone who catches you on certain online hangouts.

Do your best not to let your ego get too wrapped up in the problem. Just admit defeat, drop what’s causing the ludicrous results, and move on. It’s pointless to cling to something that isn’t working for you. It’s also pointless to beat yourself up with thoughts like I should be able to handle this better. Those “solutions” will only make you look silly.

Being Intelligent

Use the word intelligence as your guide. When you have doubts about some part of your life, ask yourself, “Is this an intelligent approach?”

Some people suggest that the external world is never the problem. They claim we can simply shift our inner perspective to solve any problem.

The inner approach has merit at times, but I’ve seen some people go nuts with it — to the point of becoming ridiculous. They push themselves to tolerate all sorts of ludicrous hardships when a simpler, more practical solution is staring them in the face. Their solutions are akin to suggesting that my brother and I make peace with being dogs. “Release your resistance to the barking. Allow the barking to be. Love and accept yourself as canines.” Sure that might solve the problem on some level if we went with it. But that solution is just plain stupid.

If you’re really attached to the inner solution method, give yourself a couple weeks (max 30 days) to take your best stab at it. If you’re still not seeing signs of progress after that, consider a more grounded solution.

Some problems are easy to solve with an inner perspective shift. Others are much easier to solve via an external approach. And some problems benefit from a blended approach. Don’t be so attached to a single tool that you force every problem into the same mold just so you can use your favorite tool. Use intelligence as your watchword, and select the right tool for the job.

Also consider that even a practical external solution requires an inner shift as well. Many people cling to the inner work of building tolerance and acceptance, when the real inner work they need for growth is in the realm of courage and the proper exercise of power. It often takes more inner work to quit a negative situation than it does to tolerate it. So don’t assume that inner development is solely about love and peace and harmony. Inner development also includes the courage to stand up for yourself and claim the life you deserve.

Often the best solution when you’re getting ludicrous results is to simply up and leave. Physically remove and disconnect yourself from the people, places, and circumstances that bring ludicrous interactions into your life, just as my brother and I opted to physically unplug and discard The Clapper.

Now perhaps the designers of The Clapper might be emotionally hurt by our decision, but from our perspective, the problem was solved, and it never returned. We gradually stopped barking and regained our humanity.

Similarly, some people might throw a hissy fit because you’ve decided not to accept ludicrous results. Don’t let their reactions get you down.

In the long run, it’s better to stop barking.

Uncopyrighted by Steve Pavlina

Then I suggested, “Let’s be jealous of each other for one day. We’ll try it out to see what it’s like. It could be fun!”

Erin laughed.

Neither of us had a clue as to how we’d actually pull this off.

I can’t recall a single instance of a jealous reaction from either of us throughout our entire relationship. It just never arises.

Consequently, Erin and I know from experience that it’s entirely possible to enjoy a loving relationship with zero jealousy… at least during the first 15 years together.

Can anyone teach us how to become jealous of each other? What are the steps? What do you have to think, say, or do in order to whip yourself into a jealous frenzy?

If Erin and I wanted to implement our one-day jealousy trial, how would we do that?

Temba, his arms wide.

(If you aren’t a Trekkie, just ignore that last line. Then go on about your sad existence.)

Perhaps if you can walk me through how you become jealous, it will raise your awareness of how you’re doing it to yourself.

How would this play out if one of us actually did become jealous? I guess our conversation would go something like this. Take note that we’ve never done this, so I’m just making this up as we go along.

Steve: Dammit, Erin. I’m jealous! You need to stop doing X, Y, and Z, so I can feel better.

Erin: Awww… are you feeling unloved?

Steve: Well, yes — and it’s all your fault!

Erin: What’s making you feel unloved, darling?

Steve: I feel unloved when you do X, Y, and Z. It makes me think you don’t care about me.

Erin: That’s so sweet to know that you care about our relationship. I really care about you too.

Steve: Ok, that’s nice, but I still need you to stop doing X, Y, and Z. It bothers me.

Erin: What about it bothers you?

Steve: I’m worried that you’ll leave me, and then I’ll be all alone.

Erin: So you worry that if we broke up, you’d feel unloved. And so you see my actions as a threat to your being able to feel loved and connected.

Steve: Yeah, pretty much.

Erin: So you’re looking to me to receive conditional love. In order for you to feel loved, I have to meet your conditions.

Steve: Yes, that sounds about right.

Erin: So even when those conditions are met, you’ll still be a bit worried because if something happens, it could mean a loss of love for you.

Steve: Yes, that worries me very much.

Erin: What would happen if you always knew you were loved no matter what?

Steve: Shaka, when the walls fell.

Erin: Go on…

Steve: I’d never be jealous. I wouldn’t need to get love from you all the time because I’d know I was loved no matter what you did.

Erin: So why not accept that you’re loved no matter what? Then our lives will be much easier, and no one will ever get jealous.

Steve: Sounds good in theory. But what do I do when I’m not feeling loved?

Erin: You can tune into Source and hold the intention to feel unconditionally loved. Or you could just decide to love yourself no matter what.

Steve: I guess I could do that. That doesn’t sound that hard. But it would help if you could reassure me now and then that I’m still loved.

Erin: Sure, I’d be happy to do that.

Steve: Darmok and Jalad at Tenagra!

Whose permission do you need to love yourself unconditionally? Only your own. So why withhold it? The decision is pretty simple, isn’t it? Love yourself no matter what. Go to a mirror, take a good look at yourself, and say, “I love me!”

If you prefer tuning into God, Source, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster for unconditional love, go for it. Whatever floats your boat.

Erin and I know that no matter what happens, we’re both unconditionally loved. So we don’t have to claw at each other for conditional love. We assume the love is always there.

We don’t need love directly from each other. It’s nice to have of course, but it’s not a requirement. Every day we’re bathed in love. It’s everywhere. It’s unavoidable.

The reason we can’t create jealousy is that we can’t escape unconditional love. We can’t run or hide from it. Love is a constant in our lives. The only way for us to become jealous would be to turn our backs on unconditional love or to pretend it doesn’t exist, and that seems like a pretty lame idea.

Another thing you can do is become unconditionally loving. If you don’t feel you can totally love yourself, warts and all, then try loving someone else. Take that crusty old heart, and squeeze as much juice out of it as you can.

Love your friends and family. Love strangers. Love those who hurt you. Love everyone. Love everything. Realize we’re all one and that separation is an illusion.

If you’ve got it really bad, go out in nature and love a flower. Love a tree. Love the animals. Love the insects. They won’t bite… hopefully.

Worst case, don’t try to tell me you can’t love a cute, fluffy cat.

The more love you allow to flow out of you, the more love you have flowing back to you. Love loves to flow.

No matter what you say or do, know that you’re still loved. Same goes for anything your partner says or does.

Sokoth, his eyes uncovered!

Uncopyrighted by Steve Pavlina

Leo Babauta asked really good questions, so I gave them a lot of thought. This interview is very long — nearly 7,000 words — about the length of a typical book chapter. I promise you it isn’t fluff though. I did my best to answer each question with depth and honesty, so I think you’ll find that this interview is filled with thought-provoking ideas.

Our interview covers a wide variety of topics, including passion, dealing with criticism, avoiding communication overwhelm, daily routine, staying motivated, and more. Some of the questions are especially relevant for bloggers.

It’s ironic that the interview title labels me a “Blogging God” while the final question is about humility. What are you trying to do to me, Leo?

Blog World Expo

Last weekend I attended Blog World Expo here in Las Vegas. It was my first time attending, and I had a blast! I can’t post a full review, but it was definitely worthwhile. I thought it was a little heavy on the promotion and monetization side — I’d have preferred to see the emphasis shift to the content side — but I definitely learned a few things.

I met Dave Taylor while I was there, and I offered to speak at Blog World Expo next year, so we’ll see what happens with that. At first I resisted speaking at blogging conferences because blogging is my medium, not my message. But lately I’ve softened on that stance because I obviously can’t escape being branded as a blogger, and I think I can do some genuine good if I focus on helping bloggers in the area of creative self-expression (which I believe is the core essence behind building substantial traffic). Not long ago I gave a 90-minute presentation called “Creating Compelling Content” to a group of speakers, and that could easily be adapted to blogging.

At one point I was sitting in Jay Berkowitz’ session on monetization, and partway through I see a pic of StevePavlina.com on the screen. He was using it as a monetization example in his Power Point presentation. That was a fun surprise. I waved to him and ended up making a small contribution to the session. He recorded the whole session, and I think it may appear as a podcast on his site.

I had an especially good time talking to JB Glossinger from MorningCoach.com. He has the #1 self-help podcast on iTunes and was one of the conference speakers. We met up at one of the parties and ended up talking for hours, until the hotel staff moved in to clean the hotel ballroom and had to nudge us out. Then we talked some more. I really like his mindset toward personal growth — very open and authentic. I’ve already listened to a couple of his podcasts, and I recommend you give him a listen. He’s recorded over 400 of them!

Another speaker at the conference was Gary Rosenzweig, an old friend and fellow game developer from my pre-blogging days. I first met him at a shareware conference and hadn’t seen him for five years. I enjoying catching up with him and seeing how our career paths had developed in different ways. I moved into blogging, and he got involved in creating online videos. Small world!

Facebook Page

I recently joined Facebook after learning about it at Blog World Expo last weekend.

I’ve added more than 200 new Facebook friends this week already (mainly from tweeting about it), so it will be fun to see what happens after announcing it here. I was told the current friend limit is 5,000.

Thanks so much to Shama Hyder and Mari Smith for helping to educate me on using Facebook. I’m still a total newbie at it, but at least I’ve managed to get a few things working properly.

Facebook reminds me of BBSing during the early 90s. If you’re too young (or not geeky enough) to remember what a BBS is, it stands for Bulletin Board System. Local BBSes provided dial-up access via modem. Once you were dialed in, you could create a profile, chat online with people, play games, send messages, and more. Erin and I actually met on a Los Angeles BBS called Dreamscape in 1994. Dreamscape used popular BBS software called Major BBS, and it featured 24 dial-in lines. Using Facebook is like deja vu for me. Sure the technology is more advanced and the community is gigantic, but the underlying operating principle is the same.

While it’s certainly possible to overdo online socializing and use it as a way to procrastinate, I hold a more positive opinion of it. Many of my online social connections have led to offline friendships. I’ve found that when I maintain a robust social life online, it enhances my offline social life too. So you may even catch me doing live chats on Facebook now and then. I enjoy connecting with all kinds of people.

No doubt some people will question how Facebook could help me with my business. The truth is that I don’t really care. My modus operandi is to pursue growth experiences and mold my business around that, not the other way around. So all I’m looking for on Facebook is to make new connections that can lead to interesting growth experiences. I don’t center my life around a profit motive.

Book Sales – Top 200

My new book Personal Development for Smart People is off to a good start. Its Amazon sales rank broke the top 200 today (currently at 146). I expect it will break the top 100 either this week or next. I just announced its release in my newsletter this morning, and Hay House will announce it in their newsletters next week. Their list is 20x the size of mine.

The book already has three Amazon reviews posted, all of them 5 stars. That’s certainly nice to see. I’ve been receiving a lot of positive feedback from readers via email, often from people who are only partway through it.

If you’d like to read a free sample chapter, you can get the Intro and Chapter 1 as a PDF. If you like that chapter, rest assured the book gets significantly better from there. Personally my favorite chapters are Chapter 3 and 6.

I suspect sales will be stronger in October, since it will be a while before the 400+ bloggers who requested a review copy have a chance to read it and post their reviews. Only about 2% of them have posted reviews so far.

Free Bonus With Your Book Order

I forgot to mention that if you order my book this month, you’ll receive several free bonuses. I think you’ll agree these are truly awesome. Their combined value is so incredibly high that I can’t possibly put a price on them.

Some authors try to convince you to buy their books by tossing in a bunch of crappy e-books you’ll never read. But obviously such a scheme is unworthy of a “smart person” such as yourself.

So I had to come up with something much more beneficial to you, something that would complement the book and add some serious value to it.

It took a lot of effort to develop these bonuses, but I think you’ll agree they make this offer absolutely irresistible.

Here’s what you’ll receive:

Bonus #1: Love and Gratitude

You’ll receive my unconditional love for helping to support my work (or is that conditional love?). Every day I take a moment to cast out love energy to everyone who’s read my book. The sooner you read the book, the more love energy you receive. In addition to the free love bonus, I also send out feelings of deep gratitude, so that’s like a bonus on top of a bonus.

But wait — there’s more!!!

Bonus #2: Heightened Awareness

This book will significantly increase your awareness. Even if you don’t do any of the exercises, I guarantee this book will change the way you think about your life — for the better. You’ll be able to amaze your friends and family with your newfound enlightenment.

And that’s not all!!!

Bonus #3: Pass It On Value

After you read the book, you can pass it on to someone you think would benefit from it. Then it becomes a powerful gift you can bestow upon another human being. I don’t earn any money when this happens, but who cares? These ideas are meant to be shared.

Hold on — we’re not done yet!!!

Bonus #4: Free Consultation

I can’t believe I’m including this, but here goes… With your order I’ll include one free astral consultation. Just go to sleep tonight and come visit me on the astral plane, and I’ll personally consult with you for free. Best of all, since there’s no time in the astral realms, you can take as long as you want! Just make sure you’re fully lucid; otherwise you may not remember any of it.

Still not convinced — it gets better!!!

Place your order within the next 10 minutes, and I’ll double your bonuses! That’s right — double! You’ll get double the love and gratitude! Double the awareness! Double the pass it on value! And double the consultations!

This offer is absolutely unprecedented!!! You’d better act now before I regain my sanity!

Operators are standing by…

Uncopyrighted by Steve Pavlina

… you can’t remember the last time you visited the “other side” of the grocery store.

… you measure the time since your last illness in decades.

… you spend more time thinking about digestion than sex.

… you consume your own body weight in less than a month.

… you believe that $5 is a fair price for a 3-oz piece of chocolate.

… you feel confident that you could survive on Gilligan’s Island — and you know you can make a better coconut cream pie than Mary Ann.

… your diet is a combination of the diets of bonobos, cows, and plankton.

… you can identify every item in the produce section.

… the grocery checker has to look up the codes for half of your items; the other half she must ask you to identify.

… you gladly offer to “help out” any friends with fertility problems; they decline because they just want one baby, not a litter.

… you fantasize about a raw foods version of Costco.

… you store produce in your oven.

… you’ve turned down lunch invites for logistical reasons.

… your blender costs more than your car (and has a better warranty).

… you own functional kitchen equipment made of bamboo.

… you weight train by grocery shopping.

… your last remaining addiction is a bean.

… you spell juice fasting with an extra e.

… you don’t believe in pre-detox sex.

… you can make a salad from your backyard, even if you don’t have a garden.

… you know how to cure cancer, heart disease, and diabetes… but no one believes you.

… something in your kitchen is currently underwater.

… you know the difference between raw and really raw when it comes to foods like almonds, tahini, and agave nectar.

… it disturbs you when people start talking about really, really raw.

… you want to try solar gazing soon.

… you refer to the Food Network as the Horror Channel.

… your diet helps restore the hearing you lost from using your blender.

… you call yourself a chef and/or coach even though you’ve never been to school for either.

… you know what Cassandra felt like.

… your first name is an emotion, an adjective, or an insect.

… you shop for clothes in the children’s section.

… your bathroom is devoid of reading material.

… vegans ask you, “But where do you get your protein?” (Some things never change.)

… you qualify potential dating partners based on their level of toxicity.

… your job title begins with the words raw, eco, or alternative.

… your health care practitioner’s job title ends in -path or -ist.

… your crackers cost more than $1 per ounce.

… you meet a breatharian and have to ask, “But where you do get your protein?”

… your breakfast smoothies contain items from six continents, four oceans, and a volcano.

Got more? Share them in the forum discussion.

Uncopyrighted by Steve Pavlina

At some point on the second or third day, a guard came by to deliver us a change of clothes. We had to wear those orange pajama-type outfits, not our own street clothes. If I recall correctly, first we had to strip totally naked and hand in our old clothes. Then we received the new ones. They’re pretty strict about such things.

As my cellmate and I opened our fresh bundles of clothes and began getting dressed, he started laughing uproariously. I turned toward him to see what could possibly be so funny. He shot me a huge grin and held up one of the clean socks he was given. The sock was only about an inch long. It wasn’t a shrunken sock — it was just the first inch of a regular sock, only enough to cover the toes. This may be one of those “you had to be there moments,” but we looked at each other and busted up laughing. What was he supposed to do with a one-inch sock?

Even though being in jail can be a depressing experience, that small bit of silliness raised our energy tremendously. For at least the next hour, it helped us feel more lighthearted and not take the situation so seriously. Being in jail only enhanced the laughter because we had more tension to release.

This happened more than 17 years ago, and I still chuckle about it from time to time.

Where’s the sock?

Sometimes when I’m hit by a number of setbacks in a row, I get knocked down to a lower energy level. For me the most common negative states are frustration and overwhelm.

When I notice I’m getting sucked down, I’ll sometimes ask myself, “Where’s the sock?”

I remind myself that if I can find a way to laugh in jail, then surely I can feel at least that good about anything that might happen outside of jail. It’s just a matter of shifting my perspective.

Finding the sock may mean looking for the humor or irony in a bad situation. Other times it means noticing the silver lining behind the clouds.

Behind every sorrow is a deeper joy. Behind every setback is a greater opportunity. Behind every death is a reawakening to new life.

As I noted in my last post, seven days ago a good friend of mine passed away. Do I feel depressed about that? No, actually I feel happier than I did a week ago — not because I wanted him dead! — but because his passing gave me (and many others) more clarity about what’s most important.

In the past I’ve experienced blows that have made me question my current path and switch directions, sometimes abruptly. In this particular case, I didn’t feel any pressure to switch paths, but I do feel a deeper sense of commitment to the path I’m already on.

Lighten up

A problem many of us have is that we take life too seriously and become overly attached to the trappings of the physical universe. Then when those comforts are threatened — which is inevitable because everything physical is impermanent — we go all kittywompus and have a difficult time handling it.

To lighten up means to release your paranoid death-grip on your physical world trappings, such as your possessions, your relationships, your social status, and your income. All of that is temporary. It cannot possibly endure.

If you can accept — really and truly accept — that every component of your physical life is temporary and will eventually end, you can still enjoy your physical experiences without suffering so much when you lose them.

The less attached you are to your physical life, the more you’ll enjoy it.

If you get a chance, go outside and pick up a rock. Hold it in your hand. Realize that this is a unique and temporary experience. Here in the physical universe, you can pick up and hold rocks. You can feel their weight, texture, and hardness. This might seem like a very mundane experience at first, but realize that you won’t always be able to do this. Your ability to interact with the physical universe is temporary, and it will soon end. Against the backdrop of eternity, your time here is actually quite brief. Enjoy it while it lasts.

What a terrible waste it is to find yourself here in the physical universe — for such a short while — and not enjoy yourself.

If you aren’t enjoying your life, then let go of the parts you don’t enjoy. Simply put those pieces down. Go find other pieces you actually enjoy.

Find the sock

If you feel that your life is akin to a jail cell and it seems overwhelming to change so many things you feel are wrong, then start by looking for the sock. Where’s the humor in your situation? If this was someone else’s story that you were watching unfold, what would you find amusing about it? At the very least, find a way to laugh at how at just how pathetic your life is. Be like George Costanza.

Some of the recurring sock patterns I’ve seen are:

1. Continuing to show up each day to a job you don’t even like. How pathetic is that? You volunteer to go sit in jail each day? Why? Because the pay is good? Because you like hanging out with prisoners? Because you look good in orange? How can you not laugh about this? If a friend said to you, “I just accepted a dare to go spend 90 days in jail; if I can do it, the guy who dared me says he’ll pay me a nice wad of cash,” would you not find that at least a little bit amusing… perhaps even crazy? Maybe you’ve been hanging out with the inmates so much you’re beginning to think like them.
2. Wanting to get back together with an ex-partner who dumped you. You want to get back together with someone who doesn’t even want you? Talk about needy and clingy…. Why not just bribe the other person to get back with you? If you can’t laugh at yourself for doing this, you must really be asleep. The only thing worse is wanting to get back with an ex-partner that you originally dumped.
3. Eating like crap and then complaining about how you look and/or feel. That’s like putting sugar in your car’s gas tank and then complaining that it has a hard time starting. Damned car! What’s wrong with this thing? You should be laughing with every bite.
4. Putting your bills first. All your creditors are satisfied while you’re stressed and unhappy. Brilliant achievement! Have you had your bill collectors over for dinner to tell them you love them so much that you’ve made pleasing them your top priority? Do you want a Scooby Snack for that? Maybe if you put happiness a bit higher on the scoreboard, you’d find it easier to create enough value that you never have to worry about your bills.
5. Doing the same thing every day and expecting dramatic change. Quite the optimist, aren’t you? You must be the one who gave my cellmate that one-inch sock. While we appreciated the laugh, you might want to note that a one-inch sock doesn’t quite serve the same function as a whole sock.

When you start laughing at the absolute ridiculousness of your life’s worst problems, this will raise your energy level for a while. You’ll actually feel lighter. This is a great time to make a few positive changes, even if they’re just little ones at first. Remember that the worse your situation is, the more it will help you to find the sock because you’ll have more tension to release.

It’s very hard to change while you’re holding lots of tension and stress inside. Look for the sock in order to break the tension, if only for a little while, and remind yourself what freedom feels like. Then imagine what your life could be like if freedom became your default state instead of a temporary interruption to a dreary existence.

You may not control all the circumstances of your life, but you can at least control your focus. You can choose to find the sock. And that’s really all the power you need to get moving toward greater freedom. Just keep looking for the sock.

Uncopyrighted by Steve Pavlina