Feedback on the Last Post

September 16th, 2013 by Steve Pavlina

Let me share some of the feedback I received about my last blog post and the new web page it links to regarding Meeting in Person. In those texts I shared in great detail what types of connections I’d like to explore with men and women who want to meet up face to face. I shared my thoughts, feelings, and desires honestly, in such a way that people with similar interests can more easily determine how compatible we’re likely to be in terms of a personal connection. My motivation was to receive fewer but more compatible invites, so as to save myself and other people some time if we’re not that compatible — and to give more confidence to highly compatible people that I’d very much welcome an invite from them.

Positive Results

First off, most of the feedback was very positive — in a pretty big way. I received several richly detailed and emotionally expressive emails from people who resonated strongly with what I shared, especially from those who felt we were very good 3D or 4D matches. I also received some “let’s meet up” invites from people who’ve already concluded that we’re strongly compatible, including a few new cuddle invites from women. I think that’s really beautiful. :)

I also received a very nice email from someone who was thinking about inviting an in-person meet-up but was feeling hesitant to do so and therefore didn’t make the invite. Reading what I shared actually helped this person recognize that their intuition was accurate. We probably wouldn’t have been very compatible if we tried to meet in person. The email ended with an expression of gratitude that I helped provide logical validation of the intuitive read. This is very encouraging to see. The other person recognized our incompatibility but didn’t feel disrespected by what I shared. And of course if our compatibility changes at some point, the door remains open. So by sharing my desires and interests so clearly, it makes it much easier for people to figure out if we’re likely to connect well in person. There’s less guesswork and less risk of stepping into a socially awkward situation. This a positive side effect I didn’t predict.

Another positive side effect was that some people with whom I already share a nice connection read what I wrote. They told me just how much they liked it, and they expressed a desire to connect across more dimensions than we have thus far. They saw that we have more potential for compatibility we had previously explored together. And they felt comfortable sharing this with me because I had already shared first. So they weren’t worried about rejection or awkwardness because they can see that we’re definitely on the same page in terms of having similar desires and intentions for connecting.

For example, a woman with whom I might have otherwise only had a business-style relationship was able to see that we could potentially be great cuddle partners for each other too. Isn’t that a nice type of shift to welcome? I think so.

I realize now that not sharing this was only keeping people in the dark. There were people already in my life who’d have been happy to connect more deeply, if only they’d known that I was open to it and that we both wanted something similar. They had previously held back because they didn’t know that the door was open on my end, so it would have been a social risk to reach out, not knowing what kind of response to expect. Now that they know they can expect a positive response for certain types of offers and invitations, this really moves things forward in a delightful way. They feel comfortable making the invites because in a way, they can see that they’re pre-approved. And even if things didn’t work out, it’s easier for them to see that I’m not the kind of man who will dish out a harsh rejection. If we turn out to be incompatible, it’s no one’s fault, and we can just let go without any resentment or attachment.

Overall I love this. It’s really nice to hear people saying, “Based on what you shared, I’d truly love to develop a closer connection with you. I think we could develop a really nice 3D connection together… and possibly a 4D one.” This makes me feel great about how my social life will continue to evolve over the next several months. If I seem excited about this, it’s because I am. :)


The feedback wasn’t all rosy, however. Let me share the critical pieces, so you can get some idea of just how polarizing this topic is to some people:

Wow Steve,

I read your meeting in person page, and, basically it’s a long excuse for saying that you are a creepy pervert and will probably end up being a serial killer if your perverted desires don’t get met soon! I think you need to get away for a while and rethink who you are and realize that it is NOT OK to go after everything you desire (serial killers had a desire to rape and kill people, does that make it OK?). Part of being a man is being willing to give your love and attention to ONE woman and not act on your incredibly selfish and perverted desires (which, by the way, are NOT exactly normal, they are the same hyper-desires of killers, rapists, and pedaphiles). I used to look up to you and now I can see that you are just another fucked up individual that probably had a hard time getting woman in your earlier years so now you are trying to fix that problem. It is OK that you didn’t get to fuck the prom queen! But don’t go down this path, it will destroy your reputation. I won’t mention my thoughts about this on my blog (300K uniques per month) right away, but if this is still here in a week, I won’t have a choice.

Here’s another:

Ah you’re grand, I’d be afraid of what I’d catch. You sound like a proper little slapper and a bit of a megalomaniac.

I wouldn’t have thought men would be interested in meeting up with you, but then again, the whole post is just an exercise in stroking your own ego.

“Sometimes I participate in mastermind sessions with my male friends, whereby a bunch of us get together, talk about our goals and challenges, and brainstorm ways to help each other succeed. Obviously I can’t bring other guys into such a group if they’re going to be dead weight.”

What a great opportunity missed to have a good laugh at you and the other geniuses by men of “less caliber”.

Gobshite.  I will read another few articles though, as it’s fun reading stuff from peopple [sic] with your kind of mental disorder.

And a public social media comment:

Really? I have so many people who want me, if you don’t meet my criteria, blow off. Oh, and if I’m going to fuck you, I have to be your master… Blech. He can go fuck himself. (Which I’m sure he would do if he could.) If you’ve never had the “pleasure” of trying to relate to a narcissist, consider yourself lucky. (I’m not sure why he’s looking for partners since he thinks everyone is just a mirage in his “reality”…)

That’s basically the extent of the critical feedback I’ve seen thus far. Make of this what you will.

Partly I share this so you know what you may be getting yourself into, should you choose to go a similar route. In this case the feedback is from people over the Internet that I’ve never met as far as I know. My friends have been overwhelmingly supportive.

So just be aware that putting yourself out there and expressing your desires honestly may evoke some critical feedback. This kind of feedback (or perhaps a milder version of it) may even come from people close to you if what you share rubs them the wrong way.

However, negative feedback is typically short-lived. With most of my blog posts, such criticism has a half-life of about 48 hours, meaning that half of all the negative feedback I will ever receive about a blog post comes within the first two days. The rest is spread across the remaining lifetime of the post. This is just an off the cuff estimate of course; the key point is that such criticism doesn’t have much endurance. So if you go this route, you may want to sit tight the first couple days, let any harshness pass, and invest your energy in following up on the positive feedback and fresh invitations.

Long-term Rewards

As the negative feedback blows over, the positive ripples become really noticeable. The more I’ve leaned into clarifying, accepting, owning, and then broadcasting my desires (including the predictable consequences of such broadcasting, like receiving some personal attacks now and then), the more I shift from wanting to having. Having is better.

Even if I continued to receive a lot more critical feedback like the above, the rewards are more than worth it. When I’m enjoying a delightful cuddle session with a woman I really like, I’m not thinking about the critics. I’m thinking of how much I appreciate having such a wonderful, heart-centered woman in my life. I’m thinking of how warm, happy, and pleasurable it feels to hold her in my arms. I’ve smiling back at her smiling at me. I’m enjoying the sensation of planting soft kisses on her neck and cheeks and gently running my fingers through her hair while we listen to music together. In that moment the only feedback I’m hearing is from her… Mmmm… that feels really good. Keep doing that… It’s so nice to be held like this…

Some people I’ve never met call me names, diagnosing me with mental disorders over the Internet. Meanwhile the women I like and respect tell me they like me, they care about me, they enjoy my company, they love my touch, they want to spend more time together, they want to cuddle-sleep together, they’re happy, they want to do more activities together, etc. Who would you listen to?

Sometimes I share the negative feedback with a cuddle partner. You know how they respond? Usually they express shock and dismay, then they sometimes laugh, then they look at me with compassionate eyes, and then they cuddle me closer. In the long run, they end up having more respect for me, knowing that I willingly chose to subject myself to this kind of criticism just to bring them into my life and to spend time with them. That is honestly how this normally plays out.

As Stephen Covey wrote, “When you pick up one end of a stick, you pick up the other end too.” Sometimes one end of that stick is covered in crap, but fortunately that isn’t the end you need to touch.

I really like loving, caring, affectionate, heart-centered women. I’ll walk through a minefield of criticism any day just to spend some time connecting with a woman like that. They’re so worth it.

Now if you’ll please excuse me, I have a cuddle date tonight. :)

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