Shameless, Fearless, Guiltless

October 6th, 2012 by Steve Pavlina

Congruent desires are shameless, fearless, and guiltless. If you attach any shame, fear, or guilt to your desires, you’re simply pushing them away.

A good way to test if your desires are congruent is to consider posting them publicly, where everyone in your life can see them.¬†Whatever desires you can’t post publicly, you’re repelling.

If you experience any fear, guilt, shame, worry, etc. over posting one of your desires in public (like on your Facebook page), then you’re stopping yourself from welcoming that desire into your life.

Many people try to amplify the intensity of their desires, believing that will make the desires manifest sooner. If I can only get myself to want it badly enough, maybe it will show up sooner, they think. But significantly faster progress can be made by releasing resistance to your desires. Then even underpowered desires can show up quickly.

If you’d like to have a threesome, for instance, then post on your Facebook page, “I would really love to have a threesome.” Can you do that with relative ease? Or do you feel a twinge of fear at the very thought of it? What’s to be afraid of? After all, if you were already enjoying an abundance of threesomes in your life, and the people around you knew about it and accepted it, it wouldn’t really be a big deal to anyone. It would just be your normal, everyday reality. So why stop yourself from sliding into that reality now? Why wait?

If you get some critical feedback, use the subjective lens to interpret it. See the feedback as coming from a part of you, and know that all resistance is internal resistance. Dialog with the critics if you like, and try to understand their point of view. See if you actually believe their arguments, or if you find their reasoning hollow and meaningless.

Suppose someone replies to your desire, “That’s creepy” or “You just want to use people.” Then you can ask, “What’s creepy about sharing love with two willing partners?” and “How is that using people if we all agree to have that experience together?” If you find that the criticism has no truth to it, you can let it go, and you’ll feel even more congruent with your desire.

On the other hand, if the criticism starts to get to you, then you can use it to help further your exploration. Maybe deep down you’re concerned that your desire might conflict with your values on some level. This gives you the opportunity to re-assess your values and to figure out what’s true for you. This is a very helpful process, as it helps you elevate your values to a more conscious level, pulling them out of the muck of social conditioning.

Fear, shame, guilt, and worrying about what other people might think are all forms of resistance. When you wallow in such feelings, you say to the universe, “I’m not ready to receive this desire, so please don’t let it come through now.” And the universe will hold your desire away from your present reality. You’re blocking it from arriving.

Once you let go of these forms of resistance, what remains is a sense of welcoming. You invite the desire with a feeling of readiness to receive it now.

In addition to that feeling of welcoming, you’ll also experience a feeling of acceptance. You’ll accept your desire and all its consequences. So your friends may poke fun at you for being into threesomes. So your family may think it’s weird. But then you’ll also have people inviting you to have threesomes since they’ll know you like that sort of thing, and that isn’t so bad when you can enjoy some really nice invites. You’ll also make new friends who can readily accept and relate to this part of you.

Getting there may seem like a big deal. Being there seldom is.

I’m not suggesting you have to post all of your desires publicly, but I am suggesting that if you can’t do that, you’re most certainly putting out a repulsive vibe that’s counteracting your desires, slowing them down at best, stopping them most likely.

What desires can’t you post publicly? What are you hiding from your boss, your family, your friends, etc? Could you simply stop hiding? Could you see the opportunity to share your desires publicly as a chance to get past your needless worries, to let people see the real you, and to truly welcome your desire now?

What is the more mature and conscious approach here? To hide what you’re into? To pretend you don’t want it?¬†To silently worry about what others might think of you if they discovered your dark secrets? Or to shamelessly, fearlessly, and guiltlessly welcome your desires into your life now?

Would you rather want your desire and not have it… or just have it?

Let me tell you that life is much better on the other side — the side of having. Once that fear, shame, and guilt have been released, the having part is easy. On this side you will find love, joy, happiness, appreciation, and gratitude. You’ll connect with your desires in a much deeper way, and you’ll realize that they were good and positive desires all along, just waiting for you to come into full alignment with them.

Give yourself the gift of truly owning your desires. Whatever it is that you want to experience next, allow yourself to truly welcome it. It doesn’t matter if other people agree or disagree. It doesn’t matter if your desire is mainstream or fringe. It doesn’t matter if it’s new to you, and you’re not sure if you’d really like it. You can always change your mind later.

Given the choice between resisting some of the most beautiful opportunities and connections of your life due to shame, fear, guilt, and worries over what others might think… vs. welcoming and experiencing them with an open heart, which path will you choose to experience now?



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