I mentioned previously that I wanted to stop working as a solopreneur and build some staff this year. Well, the time has finally arrived. I’m ready to start recruiting some staff, so if the idea of working with me sounds interesting, please read on.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, then you’d probably expect me to take a non-traditional approach to staffing. You’d be right.
After writing articles like 10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I’m not interested in creating dull, corporate-style positions and then looking for people to fill those predetermined roles, as if I’m buying parts for a machine. My business is too fluid for such rigidity anyway. I need people who can be flexible, adaptable, and willing to do what needs to be done. This tends to be true of small businesses in general though — people wear many different hats.
Second, I think the traditional employer-employee model is too rooted in industrial-age thinking. My business is highly creative and always evolving, so I need growth-oriented people who will push themselves to develop new skills and embrace new experiences. I’m aware that many businesses spend millions training their employees to become Farmville pros, but that isn’t a core skill for my business.
And lastly, I don’t want to work with people who just want a job to pay the bills. I want people who have the right heart set, people who are motivated to help create and deliver growth experiences for others — and to contribute to a powerful group energy that’s dedicated to this pursuit.
Lots of people are looking for work right now, and I have far more work on my plate than I can personally handle. I have an abundance of opportunities that I need help to pursue. So I think the timing is right to start building a staff.
Let’s be brutally honest. Unemployment is very high right now. In my home state where the reported unemployment rate is around 13-14%, it’s estimated that the true unemployment rate is more than 22% when you factor in the people who’ve given up looking for work.
Lots of people are in need of work. And I have plenty for them to do.
Many people think they need money to pay their bills, but they really don’t. Those are merely socially conditioned needs. People need food and shelter, but if they have those needs covered, then they don’t actually need money.
This isn’t a situation where I need to pay people to do work for me. I just have to make sure their basic needs are met well enough, and it should be no problem finding plenty of people to work for me for no pay.
This eliminates a lot of red tape as well. If I don’t have to put people on the payroll, then it’s less paperwork, less taxes, and more money to reinvest in growing the business. And if people aren’t officially employees, then I don’t have to worry about various rules and regulations that apply to employer-employee relationships. This greatly reduces the complexity of my business and makes it leaner and more efficient, meaning that we can provide more value to people with less overhead. It also means we can offer lower prices for products and services.
In light of the above, I’ve considered many different staffing models, trying to figure out what would be the best fit for my business, my values, and the current economy. Eventually I settled on a model that I feel pretty good about…
I have to admit that I don’t really want employees. If I wanted employees, I’d have hired some years ago. Deep down, I know that hiring employees isn’t the right direction for me. It’s not what I truly desire.
What I really want is to build a staff of slaves.
Slavery solves so many problems that I’d otherwise have to deal with if I hired employees or worked with independent contractors. Even unpaid interns can be a bit burdensome. Slavery is clearly the best option.
This model also aligns well with my ongoing exploration of D/s. I don’t want my workers calling me Boss. That just sounds lame. I’d much rather be called Master. It’s better for my self-esteem.
I already have more than a year of experience in the role of Master, and I like to think I’m getting pretty good at it. I have one excellent slave who’s been with me for more than a year, and I enjoy her immensely. However, she’s more of a personal slave than a business slave, although she does a great job of giving me typo reports on new blog posts. Eventually it dawned on me how great this slavery model would be if I extended it to my business as well.
The good news is that I’m a very benevolent Master. I have no desire to abuse or punish slaves, so there’s no need to worry about that. I only use positive conditioning and training methods. I’m very good at expressing gratitude and appreciation. I want my slaves to be happy and fulfilled. Unhappy slaves are no fun to work with.
Female slaves can be very sexy too. I’d especially love to have one as my secretary. Why on earth would I want to fill such a position with an employee — and be subjected to all the burdensome rules and regulations and potential liabilities that come with it — when I can fill this role with a willing slave instead? It’s a no-brainer — and it’s certainly a lot more fun — to recruit slaves instead of employees.
Also, since I’d prefer female slaves for certain positions (such as missionary), I don’t want to have to deal with laws regarding discrimination based on sex (slave sex is awesome), religion (you can’t have two Masters), height (shorter slaves are easier to dominate), etc. Involuntary slavery may be illegal, but voluntary slavery is perfectly legal, and it isn’t regulated by the same burdensome package of crazy laws that I’d have to deal with if I hired employees.
I also think that slave is a more honest and authentic job title than employee. I command. You obey. This is simple and straightforward.
The Benefits of Slavery
Fortunately slavery isn’t just about work, work, work. I intend to take really good care of my slaves, so there are some pretty cool benefits. I think that once you consider the overall lifestyle package of what enslavement can offer, you’ll surely agree it’s better than getting a regular job.
First, I’m happy to feed and shelter my slaves if they’re in Las Vegas (or willing to relocate), so you’ll get free housing and free vegan food. I have a big house in one of the nicest neighborhoods in Las Vegas, and there are some empty bedrooms that could easily be converted to slave quarters. We could probably fit 2-4 slaves in each room.
Slaves will also have full access to the pool and spa. Imagine relaxing in the hot tub and gazing up at the stars on a warm desert night at the end of a day of hard work. Your slave accommodations will be quite luxurious, certainly better than what most employees enjoy.
As my slave, you’ll be immersed in personal growth. You’ll gain valuable skills, learn the inner workings of my business, and have the opportunity to hang out with other growth-oriented people as well. You’d be surrounded by an amazing support group of fellow slaves, encouraging you to become the best slave you can possibly be.
As a slave you won’t have to worry about being fired since you’re not employed. If you got really uppity, the worst thing that would happen is that I might pawn you off on someone else. So you could still enjoy being a slave, just not with me as your Master. While I enjoy playful slaves very much, at the end of the day I need them to be obedient, not ornery.
Another benefit of slavery is that you no longer have to worry about discovering your life purpose. I know how challenging and confusing it can be to figure this out. Fortunately when you become my slave, it then becomes my responsibility to define your life purpose for you. Your purpose will be to serve me and my business and to help the business grow, prosper, and provide strong value to more people.
Full enslavement may seem like a big commitment, but I can make the decision easier for you. We can start with a probationary period of 3-6 months — a trial enslavement. Then you can see if you like it. If at any time during this period you decide that enslavement isn’t for you, we’ll restore your freedom and send you on your way. I’ve always had strong faith in the try-before-you-buy model. I think that once you get a taste of enslavement, you’ll never want to go back.
Of course the rewards for full enslavement can be even better in the long run. If you’re able to earn my trust, and if I see that you are indeed a hard working and loyal slave, then I may offer you the opportunity to travel around the world with me. I’d like to do workshops in other cities, both in the USA and abroad, so I’m going to need some slaves to help make this a reality. How does an all expenses paid trip to Europe sound? This could be your opportunity of a lifetime.
Now obviously you’ll have to relinquish your freedom to get access to all these benefits, but were you really taking full advantage of it anyway?
You see… enslavement is the new freedom. Think of how freeing it will be to no longer have to worry about paying rent, affording healthy food, or figuring out what to do with your life. You’ll be provided with abundant healthy food, a luxurious shelter, and limitless social opportunities. You’ll automatically inherit a meaningful life purpose — to help people live happier and more fulfilling lives and to co-create a more conscious planet. As a valued team member, you’ll be able to make a powerful contribution. You’ll be surrounded by a benevolent Master and fellow slaves who love you, and you’ll be showered with appreciation and gratitude for your service.
Think of how much happier your life will be as my slave. For some this is a dream come true.
How to Apply
If becoming my slave sounds good to you — and I’m sure it does — then please apply by writing to me at the mailing address on my contact page. I must insist that you use regular postal mail. I won’t be accepting emailed applications.
Qualified applicants for enslavement must be:
- caring & compassionate
- hard working
- horny (for certain positions)
- playful (but not too ornery or uppity)
Please include a personal letter explaining your interest in working with me. What kind of work appeals to you? How would you like to develop yourself? What would you like to contribute to my business and to this field?
Do you want to help improve Master’s website, assist in facilitating live workshops, serve as a personal assistant, be Master’s sexy secretary, etc? If it’s the latter, please include a submissive-looking photo of yourself.
It would be helpful for me to see your educational and employment history and what special skills you have, but please don’t merely send me your resume or CV. Your work history isn’t the only factor I’ll consider, and in some cases it isn’t even the most important element.
I need to get a good sense of where your heart is. What’s important to you in life, and how does enslavement fit into that picture?
Lastly, let me know if you’re willing to relocate to Las Vegas (or if you already live here) and if you’re able to meet up for an enslavement interview at some point. I could potentially use virtual slaves for certain tasks, but it’s just not the same as co-located slaves. The immersive environment is a significant part of the enslavement experience. And the more people I have calling me Master in person, the more motivated I am to do my best work.
Obviously I don’t need to know your salary requirements since there is no salary.
If you’re curious as to whether I can offer a health plan, I certainly want my slaves to be healthy and fit. I’ll make sure you get plenty of exercise and that you’re fed only vegan foods, so you don’t get sick too often. If you get hit by a bus, that’s a shame indeed, but I’m sure you can still do some kind of work once you recover. We’ll do the best we can to nurse you back to health.
I sincerely regret that I may not be able to enslave everyone who desires and deserves it. If you seem like a qualified candidate and if there’s still space available, I’ll do my best to accommodate you. Even if I can’t enslave you right away, it’s possible that with enough hard work from the initial group of slaves, we may be able to purchase a larger estate that can house more slaves. So don’t give up hope if you don’t make the first cut. If you want it badly enough, we can probably find a way to make it happen.
My staffing plan may seem unconventional, but I think you can see the logic of it. It’s obviously a win-win situation. I win with a staff of dedicated, loyal, obedient helpers and no stressful bureaucratic red tape to deal with. My slaves win with free food, shelter, training, love, encouragement, an amazing lifestyle, and in some cases… sex play. And my readers benefit with an abundance of fresh value such as an upgraded website and new products and services offered at very reasonable cost. After years of struggling to figure out how to build a staff in alignment with my values, I finally discovered a path that excites me.
Update 4/11/11 – Is this for real? Read Help Wanted (the Serious Version) to find out.