Connecting From the Heart

November 17th, 2010 by Steve Pavlina

How do you create a heart-centered connection with someone close to you?

I think the best way to do it is to let the other person see you naked.

I don’t mean this in the physical sense, but in the emotional-spiritual sense.

As you converse with the other person, talk about your career; then let it go. Talk about your past; then let it go. Talk about your other relationships; then let those go as well.

Keep talking and connecting without re-hashing the same subjects. Eventually you’ll come upon a thought that’s uncomfortable for you to explore. This is where you must summon the courage to delve in and share.

If there’s an end goal here, it’s to reach the point where you feel so safe with each other, that you can ask absolutely anything and get an emotionally deep and honest answer in response, no matter how embarrassing the questions may seem or how painful the inner wounds are. You become completely naked to each other with nothing left to hide.

In practice this involves a bit of a dance. Sometimes you’ll come upon new truths that are too intense or too difficult to face right away. Sometimes you won’t feel very connected to your inner truth, so you won’t be sure what to say. When that happens you can back off a bit and discuss something easier and more mundane for a while, or simply take a break. Then later when you feel ready, you can return to exploring the deeper levels of yourselves once again.

As the other person shares herself with you, let her know that she’s unconditionally loved and accepted by you. Don’t judge her or invalidate her experience. Just keep your heart open, and quietly observe.

Making yourself vulnerable by sharing truths about yourself in turn makes it easier for the other person to feel accepted by you because you’re giving her the chance to accept you first.

Don’t wait — initiate. When in doubt about who should take the next step to reveal something deeply personal, you go first. Prove to life, the universe, and your partner that you’re willing to take a risk and that you’re willing to trust. Magical things will happen when you do that.

Emotional risk-taking creates emotional depth. When you open your heart to someone and share the deepest truths about yourself, and they do the same, you gradually strip away layers of falsehood and self-deception, aligning yourself with ever deeper truths. Doing this with someone else creates an amazing sense of connectedness.

It’s a life-changing experience to see another human being as she really is and to allow her to see the real you — to see your inner beauty and magnificence reflected back to you in the eyes of another… and to see so much of yourself in her.

You are loved. :)


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