Do you hide your true desires from the world?
Do you pretend you want one thing while silently desiring something else?
For example, do you desire a new lover or playmate while giving potential partners the impression that you’d like to date them first?
Do you want to be earning a lot more money while broadcasting that you’re satisfied with your current career?
Are you making your true desires abundantly clear, or are you holding them inside while broadcasting an entirely different message to the world? Are you engaging in false advertising, either by broadcasting a false desire or by failing to broadcast your true desire?
Consequences of broadcasting your desires
Don’t just write down a list of goals for yourself. Share your key goals with others. Let your friends and associates know what you desire to manifest or achieve, especially for desires that may come to you through your social circle.
When you do this, you can expect certain logical consequences.
First, some of your friends will be supportive of your new direction. They may offer suggestions, resources, or other assistance to help you get there. If you keep quiet about your goals, they can’t help you. But if you speak up, you give them the opportunity to help you move forward. And of course when your friends tell you about their goals, you can do your best to assist and encourage them as well.
On the other hand, some of your friends will respond with neutrality. Perhaps they don’t care about your new direction, or they simply can’t help you with it. This is not a problem. It’s just a situation to be accepted.
And most likely some of the people in your life will reject your new direction. For whatever reason they won’t be able to accept it. They may react with sarcasm, criticism, or other forms of non-support. This is actually beneficial to you because these people are revealing that their presence in your social circle is incongruent with your new direction, so now you know where you’ll need to make some cuts. It doesn’t matter if they’re friends or family members — they’re making it clear that they can’t accept your new direction and that they’re unwilling to support you on this journey. It’s generally a waste of time to try to convince them, so don’t get clingy. Simply let go, and drop the unnecessary drag on your forward momentum. Say to such people, “I understand that you can’t accept my new direction, but I’m doing this anyway, so if you’re going to oppose me in this, then I’m going to have to drop you from my life. Either you learn to accept this part of me, or we’ll have to each go our separate ways and let go with love, okay?”
A personal example
Several weeks ago I began expressing that I wanted to explore domination-submission as an alternative relationship model. I wanted to explore the dominant side with a woman who wanted to explore the submissive side.
As you might expect, some people in my life were supportive and encouraging of this decision, some were opposed to it, and many were neutral or simply curious to see what unfolded. From the first group, I received a lot of support, advice, and encouragement (which continues to this day). I was surprised to see how many people fell into that group. As for the second group, I really didn’t see any serious criticism except from random people who don’t even know me, so I didn’t lose any friends over it. (Actually I seemed to make more friends because of it.) But most people apparently belonged to the third group, curious to see what would happen but fairly open-minded.
In terms of what happened specifically, a woman quickly came into my life who wanted to explore the submissive side of a D/s connection. Her name is Rachelle Fordyce. She and I had met briefly at the first Conscious Growth Workshop in October 2009, but we didn’t get the chance to say more than a few words to each other back then. After I started expressing interest in D/s on Facebook in December, she got in touch with me to ask some questions about it. One thing led to another, and shortly thereafter I invited her to play together, and she agreed.
Since then Rachelle and I have been having an amazing time together. We spent a couple weeks together in January in Vegas. This week we’ve been staying in an apartment in Hollywood together.
From the beginning we did a lot of D/s play, which was very fun for both of us. However, within a week it became clear that our connection was becoming much deeper, and we ended up totally falling in love with each other. It’s hard to label our connection at this point, but boyfriend-girlfriend is close. Beyond that we might have to shrug our shoulders.
We continue to enjoy D/s role-playing, although it’s not something we do all the time. D/s is a form of play that we still both enjoy (sexual and otherwise). We easily slip in and out of those roles when the mood strikes, but lately we’ve been spending more time exploring other aspects of our connection.
Like me, Rachelle is a raw food-loving, long-term vegan (some of her family members call her Rawchelle). She doesn’t have a regular 9-5 job, so we both enjoy plenty of time freedom. She’s also a major Trekkie. I was pretty impressed when she beat me at Trek trivia several days ago; currently we’re tied at 1-1, awaiting the tiebreaker match. You can visit her blog if you want to say hi to her. She is mostly human.
Lately Rachelle and I have been doing disgustingly lovey-dovey things together. On Wednesday we enjoyed a really fun day at Disneyland, and yesterday we explored the L.A. Natural History Museum. We’ve also been hitting various vegan and raw restaurants in the Hollywood area (Flore, Cru, M Cafe, etc). This weekend we’ll probably hit the west end of town and the beach.
We can’t really say where our connection is headed, but a bit of mystery just makes it all the more fun and helps us fully embrace the present moment.
It’s fair to say that if I hadn’t been willing to broadcast what I was interested in exploring, and if Rachelle hadn’t made clear her interest to me, then we might never have connected in this way. It would have been sad for us to miss out on such an amazing connection together — and for what? Fear of being judged by invisible critics?
What are your true desires?
In order to live consciously, you’ll often need to release socially conditioned habits and behaviors that don’t serve you.
For example, in the area of relationships, you don’t have to stick with the traditional dating model. If you love going out on dates, then this model may be fine for you. But if you’d really like to connect in other ways, then there’s no point in approaching new relationships from a traditional dating frame.
In a recent forum discussion, one forum member asked whether it was wise to have sex with someone on the first date. I suggested that if you simply want to have sex with someone, you can skip the first date entirely and go straight to the sex. Focus on attracting partners who want the same thing. Don’t broadcast that you want to date someone if you really just want someone to sleep with. There are many people who’d prefer to enjoy a sexual connection first without all the baggage that dating entails. Then if they enjoy the sexual chemistry, they may choose to deepen that connection. However, such people won’t know that you hold the same opinion if you keep quiet about your true desires and blindly follow socially conditioned rules.
Rachelle and I didn’t start out by dating each other. We began by discussing what we both wanted to experience in terms of D/s and sex play, including spelling out in detail some of the things we wanted to try. When we got together in person, it was easy to dive straight into the shared experiences we both wanted. Shortly after walking in the door, we were already making out. (I’ll spare you the details about the blindfold.) We did enjoy many fun dates in the weeks ahead, but only after we’d shared lots of physical intimacy together. Maybe this approach seems backwards compared to the traditional dating-then-sex model, but it worked out beautifully for us.
Since our connection began with such openness and honesty, it’s been incredibly frictionless and blissful. For example, since we know that we’re both physical affection whores, we sleep cuddled in each others’ arms, hold hands as we walk down the street, enjoy long jacuzzi nights, and smooch each other constantly. Did you know that Pirates of the Caribbean is a terrific make-out ride by the way?
Rachelle and I also love simply spending time with each other, whether we cuddle up to watch a movie or go out and do something fun. Our connection has been strong at least in part because we connected on the basis of what we both wanted to experience as opposed to blindly following a socially conditioned model of what a relationship is supposed to look like. If we followed a more traditional model, most likely we never would have connected like this at all. We’d have missed out on so much fun, happiness, and love.
Do you share your true desires, or do you keep them hidden?
How do you expect to manifest what you want if you’re afraid to openly broadcast that you want it?
If you can’t broadcast your desires, it’s fair to say you don’t own them yet. How can your desires become real if you can’t speak up about them? If you’re going to receive them, then let it be known. If you find it necessary to hide what you desire, that suggests you aren’t ready to receive.
Of course there will be consequences to broadcasting your desires, but one of those consequences is that you’re more likely to actually get what you want. All the seemingly negative consequences become irrelevant and meaningless when you’re enjoying the manifestation of your desires.
Do you think Rachelle and I care that some people may criticize our willingness to enjoy D/s play together? We do care — we remain open to feedback and don’t tune out the whole world — but critical comments don’t get us down. Rather such judgments have been a source of mutual amusement. We’ve shared many laughs about them, like the commenter that posted, “I just threw up in my mouth.”
Similarly, do you really think you’ll be too worried about what others think about you while your desire is sitting on your lap and smooching you passionately?