http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/ Personal Development for Smart People Fri, 16 May 2008 11:23:16 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-69696 Feedback: Positive Reinforcement/Change yourself first « Mark Needham Mon, 11 Feb 2008 23:02:10 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-69696 [...] I find at least for myself the tendency is to want to point out things people do that annoy me, which in effect is me trying to make the person more like myself. Steve Pavlina suggests that the things we hate the most in other people are the things we actually hate in ourselves. Therefore his suggestion was if you find something someone else does annoying, first look at yourself and try and improve yourself in this area. [...] […] I find at least for myself the tendency is to want to point out things people do that annoy me, which in effect is me trying to make the person more like myself. Steve Pavlina suggests that the things we hate the most in other people are the things we actually hate in ourselves. Therefore his suggestion was if you find something someone else does annoying, first look at yourself and try and improve yourself in this area. […]

]]> http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-64128 Mind-Manual » Son of The People Equivalence Principle Tue, 25 Dec 2007 15:18:30 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-64128 [...] Another important implication of this is that we tend to project our feelings onto other people, a lot. Steve Pavlina talks about it in a blog post called Understanding Human Relationships. Simple enough concept: If I complain that you don’t keep your room clean, I am projecting my standards of cleanliness onto you and expecting my own behaviour of you. However, I’m usually able to make peace with you not keeping your room clean, as well as with myself. [...] […] Another important implication of this is that we tend to project our feelings onto other people, a lot. Steve Pavlina talks about it in a blog post called Understanding Human Relationships. Simple enough concept: If I complain that you don’t keep your room clean, I am projecting my standards of cleanliness onto you and expecting my own behaviour of you. However, I’m usually able to make peace with you not keeping your room clean, as well as with myself. […]

]]> http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-22043 Liz Strauss at Successful Blog - Steve Pavlina and Liz on Relationships Wed, 14 Feb 2007 16:20:51 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-22043 [...] At the end of January, Steve Pavlina published a piece on Human Relationships. His article pointed out something I’ve always believed — that we see in others the traits that we love and dislike most in ourselves. In fact, our relationships with other people are really the same relationships we have within ourselves. [...] […] At the end of January, Steve Pavlina published a piece on Human Relationships. His article pointed out something I’ve always believed — that we see in others the traits that we love and dislike most in ourselves. In fact, our relationships with other people are really the same relationships we have within ourselves. […]

]]> http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21785 Are relationships with others a window or a mirror? « From Within Sun, 11 Feb 2007 01:03:25 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21785 [...] Steve Pavlina writes an insightful blog about personal development. He often conveys hard to grasp concepts clearly in very few words. In a recent post Steve explains that relationships are within our thoughts and that when we react emotionally to a quality that we perceive to be in another person we are really reacting to a quality that is within ourselves: I encourage you to experiment to see how your external relationships reflect your internal ones. Try this simple exercise: Make a list of all the things that bother you about other people. Now re-read that list as if it applies to you. If you’re honest you’ll have to admit that all of your complaints about others are really complaints about yourself. [...] […] Steve Pavlina writes an insightful blog about personal development. He often conveys hard to grasp concepts clearly in very few words. In a recent post Steve explains that relationships are within our thoughts and that when we react emotionally to a quality that we perceive to be in another person we are really reacting to a quality that is within ourselves: I encourage you to experiment to see how your external relationships reflect your internal ones. Try this simple exercise: Make a list of all the things that bother you about other people. Now re-read that list as if it applies to you. If you’re honest you’ll have to admit that all of your complaints about others are really complaints about yourself. […]

]]> http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21748 tellhimfred.com » I’ve Done it All Fri, 09 Feb 2007 19:23:01 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21748 [...] Anyway, in the article, the author says: Where do all your relationships exist?  They exist in your thoughts.  Your relationship with another person is whatever you imagine it to be.  Whether you love someone or hate someone, you’re right.  Now the other person may have a completely different relationship to you, but understand that your representation of what someone else thinks of you is also part of your thoughts. [...] […] Anyway, in the article, the author says: Where do all your relationships exist?  They exist in your thoughts.  Your relationship with another person is whatever you imagine it to be.  Whether you love someone or hate someone, you’re right.  Now the other person may have a completely different relationship to you, but understand that your representation of what someone else thinks of you is also part of your thoughts. […]

]]> http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21610 Elaine Vigneault » Blog Archive » Open Letter to Mason Malmuth Tue, 06 Feb 2007 06:58:19 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21610 [...] A few bloggers offer advice on how to do it: Steve Pavlina says we should look inward and improve in ourselves the qualities we dislike in others. He says that often the result is the other person changes too. Brian Lee in Genius Types suggest we start by biting our tongues and being more polite/less rude. [...] […] A few bloggers offer advice on how to do it: Steve Pavlina says we should look inward and improve in ourselves the qualities we dislike in others. He says that often the result is the other person changes too. Brian Lee in Genius Types suggest we start by biting our tongues and being more polite/less rude. […]

]]> http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21328 The Curse of Objectivism « Pulp Non-Fiction Thu, 01 Feb 2007 06:29:31 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21328 [...] Call it coincidence, but one of my recent favourie web-authors, Steve Pavlina wrote about this yesterday, just when all these thoughts were running in my head. He has written a beautiful essay on the view to assume when you deal with relationships.  For me personally, being rationally-minded has translated to holding rigid, stubborn views on the world and having a mind that is unwelcome to influences. It has meant that I have stopped growing and evolving. It is not a happy state to be in and hence, I have to change. This radical change in my world-view is a huge leap of faith to take, but it is about time I begin now. [...] […] Call it coincidence, but one of my recent favourie web-authors, Steve Pavlina wrote about this yesterday, just when all these thoughts were running in my head. He has written a beautiful essay on the view to assume when you deal with relationships.  For me personally, being rationally-minded has translated to holding rigid, stubborn views on the world and having a mind that is unwelcome to influences. It has meant that I have stopped growing and evolving. It is not a happy state to be in and hence, I have to change. This radical change in my world-view is a huge leap of faith to take, but it is about time I begin now. […]

]]> http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21268 Understanding Relationships at Happiness through Self Awareness and Mastery Tue, 30 Jan 2007 05:35:39 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21268 [...] Some people talk in the personal growth and new age circles about using relationship as a mirror to understand your self.  I’ve seen this idea of a relationship mirror described in so many ways, often with lots of distortions.  With these distortions the attempt to understand relationships leads to misunderstanding Self. People often distort this concept of using the mirror of reflection in relationships and turn it into self judgment.  This overcorrection helps to take the pressure off your partner, but might unfairly put it on your self.  I want to take Steve Pavlina’s post and take it a layer deeper for clarity.  Steve writes in his theoretical example: “So my conflict with Erin is just the projection of an internal conflict.  Supposedly my desire for Erin to be neater and more organized means that I really want to improve in this area myself.”    [...] […] Some people talk in the personal growth and new age circles about using relationship as a mirror to understand your self.  I’ve seen this idea of a relationship mirror described in so many ways, often with lots of distortions.  With these distortions the attempt to understand relationships leads to misunderstanding Self. People often distort this concept of using the mirror of reflection in relationships and turn it into self judgment.  This overcorrection helps to take the pressure off your partner, but might unfairly put it on your self.  I want to take Steve Pavlina’s post and take it a layer deeper for clarity.  Steve writes in his theoretical example: “So my conflict with Erin is just the projection of an internal conflict.  Supposedly my desire for Erin to be neater and more organized means that I really want to improve in this area myself.”    […]

]]> http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21247 Today is that Day » Blog Archive » How to Help Yourself and Everyone Else at the Same Time Mon, 29 Jan 2007 23:46:30 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/#comment-21247 [...] There is some very convincing evidence that we have the ability to influence others by working on our own inner-thoughts, and I will recommend that you grab a copy of Zero Limits by Joe Vitale as soon as it is released, and I will also refer you to this excellent post by Steve Pavlina where he gives some examples of how this concept has benefited his life. [...] […] There is some very convincing evidence that we have the ability to influence others by working on our own inner-thoughts, and I will recommend that you grab a copy of Zero Limits by Joe Vitale as soon as it is released, and I will also refer you to this excellent post by Steve Pavlina where he gives some examples of how this concept has benefited his life. […]

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