For example, I’m up at 5:15am on a Saturday morning typing this before I go exercise. When I was less disciplined, I would have slept in. But these changes were gradual over a period of years, with many attempts that failed before I was finally able to “lift” this weight. And after having reached this point, there are still more steps to take to become stronger in this area. It’s a lifelong process that requires hard work and patience. However, the ultimate payoff of self-mastery is well worth the effort. Self-mastery is a process though, not a destination.

Regarding my question above (gradually vs. suddenly), I understand your point. But what if my specifc goals is self-discipline. I have been trying to discipline myself, but after making a little progress, I usually slip back to old ways. This has become some sort of a barrier for me. Can some sort of overwhelming force be applied to that situation ? Or would you suggest I should be patient and keep trying?

Rgds, Kamal

Today I went to the bookstore (it is a quite small bookstore by US standards) and read the titles of all the books in the self-improvement section.

I think there are about 100 books. I was looking for a book on happyness - how to create it.

Guess what - out of 100 books, only one was about happyness, and about 2 others about depression. The rest of the 97 books were mostly about achieving goals in general or about achieving a particular goal (losing weight, finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend, etc).

So.. I think that what is missing right now is not more stuff about achieving goals (altough they are useful, and your posts have certainly been very good) but more stuff about achieving happyness.

I really get a rush by just going for a lot of gutsy goals that I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pull off, and I think it helps me to perform better too. In reality, I expect that at least some of the commitments I’ve recently made will go well and ultimately — even if if I fail in some — I’ll be better off for doing this.

In your earlier series on self-discipline you advocated increasing the “weights” gradually, not suddenly. Are you now suggesting that if gradually does not work, try suddenly ? Maybe I have totally misunderstood you here, some clarification will be of help to me.

I’m currently taking two classes which end the first week of October. Both classes have papers that need completed prior to the final. One class requires a mammoth syntactical, grammatical, exegetical, and theological study on a chunk of Bible verses (we’re talking 20 pages miniumum). The other class has two papers, both which require a cultural and historical study, as well as interpretative study, of two separate Bible chapters. Early this month I sat down and asked myself, “What would be the best way to get these done quickly? Could I get all three done in a week?”

A week, you say? A week. First I decided to devote one entire Saturday to the library. No girlfriend, no friends, etc.; just the library from 8:30 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. with a lunch and dinner break. Then I decided that I needed to have all my food and snacks bought ahead of time and with me; also, I would make copies of all my source material instead of transcribing notes from reading. I work a part-time job that gets out at 2:00 every day, and it takes me 45 minutes to get from work to my school’s library. So I decided at the outset that I would again arrange with my girlfriend to see her next week, dropped all social activities, and would use the library from 3:00 to 10:30 every weekday.

My goal was to have all three papers done by the following Saturday, even using the second Saturday if needed. Well, it’s Friday as I type this, and as of last night I finished all three papers. Unbelievable! When I was an undergraduate, I thought you needed weeks to write a good paper. Now I see it was just a matter of organization. My mammoth paper exceeded the expected limits and is over 30 pages; I finished that in three days. Papers 2 and 3 were finished in a day each. I’ve got two extra days left to focus on other things now. It feels great.

Little did I know it, but I was incorporating overwhelming force. And it worked!

If you haven’t read Steve’s previous 5-part series on Self Discipline, it’s an excellent (and in-depth) companion to this article. I would use “overwhelming force” during the “willpower” phase, to break out of existing habits and to establish a beach-head for sustainable, continued improvement.

Overwhelming force clearly isn’t sustainable beyond the short term, but it’s an excellent technique to get started. That burst of progress can also provide visible benefits, which gives a great psychological boost.

I would also caution against running more than 1 willpower-driven project at once (or even 2 in a row, without a month or so of rest in between). They take a LOT of energy and often need to constantly occupy a portion of my brain 24/7 while the project is in progress. Pick your projects carefully, and only commit fully when you’re prepared to.

For example, I have a project for natural vision improvement queued up for attention. I’m planning to hit it with a few weeks of “overwhelming force” to kickstart the project with. But it’s going to take 2+ hours of commitment every day during that phase. I’m not going to even try to start until I’m willing and able to commit that amount of time.

For instance, if I say I want to be a more patient person, this really doesn’t help me. While I can recognize myself as avoiding change, targeting an overwhelming force is more difficult.

So, another good method for the more qualitative improvements can be done by counting stones. Get a bag of black stones and a bag of white stones. As you go throughout your day, pay close attention to the actions that you perform. If you lose your temper, set aside a black stone. For each situation which you consciously avoided a negative reaction through patience, give yourself a white stone. Ideally, at the end of the day, only white stones are set aside (If you are being truly honest with yourself).

Eventually, you should learn to target your weaknesses as far as the trait you desire is concerned. By constantly questioning your actions, you create a better atmosphere for inducing change in yourself.

Jesus echoed part of this concept when he said: “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace.”

I have a personal metaphor for thinking about things like this. It’s jumping into Lake Tahoe. Tahoe’s so cold, it’s really intimidating to go swimming in it most of the year, and at most of the beaches. If I inch my way in, I’m way more likely to decide to just hang out on the beach and not swim at all. Or, if I do end up swimming, I’ve wasted hours, sometimes, inching in and out of the water. If your goal is to swim, then just run straight in and dive! It’s frightening, but exhillarating. And the exercise of conquering that momentary fear for the ultimate goal is invaluable.

By trial and error this approach has surfaced in my life as one of the only thing that works for me.

For example, I tried limiting my TV watching (to no avail) for years. Finally out of frustration, I gave my TV away. It has been 3 years now and I couldn’t be happier. I have taken the same approach to other aspects of my life as well with similar success.

Count me in as +1 for this drastic yet extremely effective approach.

–
Reid