It is a good thing that you say that if you want help, that you go to people.

Because if you try to apply the inverse, i.e. take a mass of people who do not care about aiming high (job, relationship, sports team, anything.), meaning they accept normal, below or just good. It will be hard to try to influence them if they don’t want.

Actually you will get more resistance and that may drawn you down.

I bet people here who aim high, are often misunderstood, no matter how good their intention. That is because it bothers people that you want higher and they don’t see the benefit of it.

I guess for us, it is like a drug to be the best, feel the best, live with the bests, over-achieve ourself, etc.

No matter what, don’t quit. There will always be people that try to persuade(an explicit or implicit way) you to stop any project.

Well that’s the first mistake right there, isn’t?

I just now got to the heart of my confusion with the reference group I “fell” into after leaving the somewhat rarefied socio-economic strata of military discipline and honor, and the legal systems commitment to the highest level of integrity and honesty (contrary to popular belief, the most honest people I know with the highest standards are most lawyers and judges and related staffers).

So imagine the cognitive dissonance I’ve been experiencing working with musicians, booking agents, venue owners, landlords, roadies, stage hands, bartenders, wait-staff, kitchen staff, and etc.!

At first I thought it was my people skills (although I would need to adjust them to continue with this reference group). I would be shocked to have person after person outright, bald-faced lie to me — deny things that happened and say things happened that didn’t. They would often take anything they had a chance to if they could do so and not get caught.

Of course, my legal cross examination skills were always a real party pleaser (not) but my natural bent was to revert to my truth detecting skills of cross examination and evidence collection, show the scoundrel up to public ridicule to be the cad that he/she was and be done with it.

Expecting a hero’s welcome for routing out the villain, I was surprised that public opinion was that I was too tough. That is more important than truth, honesty, commitment. Upon further investigation, I’ve learned that, contrary to my prior reference communities of the military and the legal community, this community that I’m leaving has no interest in being honest and contributing but instead their interest is to get as much as they can for the least they can do, say whatever is expedient and then let the chips fall where they may.

I am unable to effectively build anything in such and environment and am frightened to find that these are the folks that I’m surrounded by at this point. Not meaning to sound arrogant but I just things like “reality” which I’ve found, the quickest route to is a little thing called “accuracy” or referred to by us laeity as “truth.”

My old reference group is in another state so thank you for your suggestions on finding some powerful people to hang with — especially because I generally am at the lead of the groups. If I can find one that, my best efforts leave me as a straggler, WOW! I was beginning to think my “old school” values were obsolete. I’m just looking in the wrong place but I have to say, what human being in his right mind thinks they can enrich themselves at the expense of others (like ol’ Earl Nightingale says).

Thanks, Steve - as always, very empowering stuff. Anton

Watch out for the temptation to make excuses. (I do it all the time, and just look where it gets me. ) When you see a roadblock you have to figure out how to get through.

If you have long workdays, it might be that you’re not working efficiently. One of Steve’s articles lays it out: track how you use time to find the waste, and when you eliminate the waste you’ll be able to finish just as much work sooner and have more time left for the rest of life.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/triple-your-personal-productivity.htm

(Footnote: Unless you’re self-employed, I honestly don’t think Steve’s approach of temporarily shortening your work hours to force an increase in your efficiency is practical. But tracking time, and aiming to be either 100% working or 100% doing something else at any given moment, seem to be good ideas — they’re yielding progress for me.)

Even if you have to finish less work to leave time for people, it’s worth it: you NEED people. Other people can do things for you that no amount of nose-to-the-grindstone work will do — motivate you, advise you, get you jobs and resources, and make your life happier. (Check out the “How important are people” question in http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/10/finding-fresh-brains/)

If you’re starting from no social life, getting to know people is simply going to be a hard project, like getting organized or going on a diet. Pore over some of the blog archives for tactical tips — e.g., think of some concrete actions you could make into a 30-day effort; change your environment so that it reminds you of your social goals; think of all the different kinds of resource you could throw at the problem; read books on the issue, even; set yourself up for a few social failures so you can grow more willing to take risks.

All this talk is difficult for me to dispense — I’m also an insomniac, I also spend a lot of time at the computer (and sometimes get some work done!), I’m also asocial, and I also feel tired a lot. And having just laid out the theory, I’m not sure what the right next step is for me, at least on the social side of things. There’s probably a local Linux user group or some political rabblerousers that I might fit in with, but I’m not confident that they’re folks I’d love meeting. Groups I’m barely qualified to be in, or contacts I’m barely qualified to make? I could hang out more with my bosses at work. Or I could try to meet Steve, but I hear he’s pretty busy.

Hmm.

Steve — setting up a forum here to facilitate contact among us readers might be cool. We’d at least get to bond with other folks with ambition instead of folks that drag us down — though I guess we usually wouldn’t meet the potential mentors that you’re advising us to look for. (Similar: 43things.com and the joelonsoftware.com discussion forums.)

Also, I notice there are lots of computer programmers in your audience.

OK, that was lots of rambly words. Hope it helped. Bedtime for this insomniac.

Unfortunately it doesn’t apply very well to me, because:

- I’m mildly social-phobic, in spite of my efforts not to be.

- I work so much that I don’t have time to meet other people. After work I’m very tired. I don’t have the time and the energy to meet other people.

General: And you mister?
Soldier2: Best thing in the world sir!

General: How about you son. Like jumping?
Soldier3: No sir! It scares the hell out of me.
General: What? Then why are you here?
Soldier3: Because I want to be around guy who love to jump!

Basically, I’m taking my decisions out of my own hands…coming up with 6 options for something I could do, giving each a number, then rolling a dice to see which one I end up doing. It sounds a bit silly, but it seems to take away the fear of trying new things for me - if I do what the dice tells me and it goes wrong, then it doesn’t matter so much. It wasn’t my mistake - it was the dice’s fault! I don’t know whether the whole thing is all that healthy, but it seems to be a good way for me to push myself out there a little bit more and I suppose that’s what counts more than anything else.