How to be a Superhero

April 6th, 2005 by Steve Pavlina

For something really funny, check out the book How to Be a Superhero by Doctor Metropolis. I found it in a bookstore a few months ago. The subtitle is “Your Complete Guide to Finding a Secret HQ, Hiring a Sidekick, Thwarting the Forces of Evil, and Much More!!”

The book assumes you are currently an active superhero with a superpower. I suppose it’s technically nonfiction because it treats the subject as if it’s serious. It’s written like a cheesy self-help book, but in a very humorous style. The book has two parts. Part I is called “Getting to Know Your Superpower” and covers various abilities and how to use them effectively. Did you know there are 6 steps to lift and hurl a bus? Or that even if you have physical invulnerability, your feelings could still be hurt by a carefully crafted insult?

Part II is called “The Four Keys to a Successful Crime Fighting Career.” It covers developing your alter ego, finding a secret headquarters in any real estate market, choosing the right archenemy, and prepping your superhero resume to join a justice league.

The extra bonus chapter is especially funny: “On the Other Hand, Maybe You’re Evil.”

The book includes a few self-help style quizzes to measure your aptitude in various areas. Here’s a sample question from the supervillain chapter:

Maim is to bludgeon as …
a) henchman is to cretin
b) destroy is to incinerate
c) sidekick is to bait
d) freeze ray is to mind-control device

Good stuff to know in case you get bitten by a radioactive spider or fall into a vat of nuclear waste and wake up with superpowers. :)


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