What do you expect?
November 23rd, 2004 by Steve Pavlina
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Here’s a link to an issue of a PDF newsletter from 2003 World Champion of Public Speaking Jim Key. The title of this issue is Give, and it includes a simple story about the power of giving that I think you’ll find inspiring.
This past summer I saw Jim give a one-hour speech on the topic of expectations, and he is without a doubt a very talented and dynamic speaker. Jim told the story of how he competed in the Toastmasters International Speech Contest 3 years in a row. In order to compete at the international level, you first have to win the club-level contest, then the area contest, then the division contest, then the district contest, and then the regional contest… each one harder and more competitive than the last… just for the privilege of getting up on stage to compete against 8 other regional champions in the international contest. Competing at this level means hundreds of hours of practice before delivering your speech flawlessly to an audience of 1500. After Jim came in second place at the international contest, he was inspired to enter again the next year. And again he came in second place. But this time he was heartbroken. He didn’t know if he could do it again. But he came back to compete again, and in 2003 he finally won first place. So when Jim talked about expectations and persistence, I listened carefully and took notes.
The main idea I learned from Jim’s speech was to ask the question, “What do you expect?” If you want better results in some area of your life, you have to raise your standards in that area and start expecting more, even if it means that you’ll have to demand more from yourself than you currently think is possible. Life may already be placing a heavy burden on you, but like the coach in the story above, you can still stretch yourself to give more than others expect from you. Even when others only expect a certain level of performance or generosity or kindness or commitment from you, you’re still capable of raising the bar higher. You can’t wait for others to raise this bar for you. The question isn’t, “What does your family expect?” or “What do your peers expect?” or “What does your boss expect?” It’s, “WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?”
Thanks, Jim!
November 24th, 2004 at 7:17 am
I had similar thoughts going through my head, although nothing concrete. When it comes to learning how to program, I used to find myself stopping short of finishing certain projects, figuring that I understand the concept so I could program it if I needed to.
The problem was that I was missing out on the challenge of getting my known concept into a working program! But no one was around to challenge me, as this wasn’t a school project or anything like that.
I had to raise the bar for myself. I pushed myself to finish such projects to the point that it was high quality work instead of “good enough for me”. Not only was I learning how to program better, but I was also learning about certain problems I might have when I start programming without the training wheels of a book or tutorial. Raising the bar for myself above and beyond what is expected is how I credit my general success in life. The difference these days is that I now consciously do so with a purpose.
November 24th, 2004 at 7:32 am
Steve, thanks again for another great post. I’ve been reading your blog faithfully since it’s beginning, and will continue to do so. Jims story is very inspirational, and strikes a very personal chord with me, as I happen to have a special needs daughter. It’s quite amazing how accepting and giving people can be of those who need a little extra help. That winning coach certainly had his perspectives and priorities in order.
All the business/motivational/entrepreneurial books I’ve been reading lately, seem to talk to the reoccuring theme of giving without any immediate expectation of personal gain. Just because it’s the right thing to do. It’s an encouraging concept, and one of the beliefs I’m tyring to incorporate more into my own personal life.
November 24th, 2004 at 5:27 pm
Several emotions go thru my head when I read your posts Steve.
Why improve at all? We are born. We die. Everything else shares the same fate. Then why this struggle to improve? What is the use? Expectations can only lead to misery if we dont achieve. Why not just lead a life of no expecation and see what happens?
That chap Jim achieved first place. Cool! So what next? He will now set his goals to win the Milky Way Speaking Championship? Ok, let us give him the first place there. Then what?
Has anybody here tried to live a life of no goal setting, competition, improvement? Doing things intuitively without expectation. Isnt that peace? Isnt that what we are truly after?
November 24th, 2004 at 6:26 pm
I’m amazed it took so long for someone to ask these questions. I’ll address them in my next blog entry.