Comments on: Dealing with Difficult People http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/ Personal Development for Smart People Fri, 04 Jul 2008 20:53:02 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 By: Marco http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-9095 Marco Tue, 30 Aug 2005 08:54:41 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-9095 I found very interesting the point of view presented in these slides (by Diana Prieto): <a href="http://www.tech.purdue.edu/Ols/courses/ols477/Prieto/conflict_management_skills.ppt" target="_blank">Slides</a> There are two basic dimensions along with it is possible to reason about conflict management: goals and relationships. In other words: how much is important to me the particular issue which caused the conflict, and how much is important to me the relationship with that particular person. There are then various situations: * issue important and relationship unimportant => strategy is competing * issue unimportant and relationship unimportant => strategy is avoiding * issue unimportant and relationship important => strategy is accomodating * issue important and relationship important => strategy is collaborating * something in the middle => strategy is compromise There are of course other perspectives reported in the "Often appropriate when" section of slides. Regards -- Marco I found very interesting the point of view presented in these slides
(by Diana Prieto):
Slides

There are two basic dimensions along with it is possible to reason about conflict
management: goals and relationships. In other words: how much is important to me
the particular issue which caused the conflict, and how much is important to me the
relationship with that particular person. There are then various situations:
* issue important and relationship unimportant => strategy is competing
* issue unimportant and relationship unimportant => strategy is avoiding
* issue unimportant and relationship important => strategy is accomodating
* issue important and relationship important => strategy is collaborating
* something in the middle => strategy is compromise

There are of course other perspectives reported in the “Often appropriate when”
section of slides.

Regards — Marco

]]> By: Steve Pavlina http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-9042 Steve Pavlina Mon, 29 Aug 2005 22:00:34 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-9042 There's a follow-up post to this one here: <a href="http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/08/dealing-with-difficult-relatives/" rel="nofollow">Dealing With Difficult Relatives</a> There’s a follow-up post to this one here:
Dealing With Difficult Relatives

]]> By: Dawn http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-8648 Dawn Thu, 25 Aug 2005 18:03:03 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-8648 Yes what do you do when this is your mother and she just doesn't get it after you have tried everything possible? Yes what do you do when this is your mother and she just doesn’t get it after you have tried everything possible?

]]> By: Adi bm http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-8336 Adi bm Mon, 22 Aug 2005 09:09:57 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-8336 You all guys might wnat to check out Who's Pulling Your Strings?: How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life by Harriet Braiker, if you`re interested for the pdf copy, email me @ phothon2001@yahoo.com if you like it than buy :) You all guys might wnat to check out Who’s Pulling Your Strings?: How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life by Harriet Braiker, if you`re interested for the pdf copy, email me @ phothon2001@yahoo.com if you like it than buy :)

]]> By: Teresa http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-7082 Teresa Mon, 08 Aug 2005 18:30:01 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-7082 What do you do when this person is your husband's ex-wife? A person you really can't completely avoid... at least until the kids are grown up. Sometimes I feel as though she is my ex-wife. She is a very difficult person w/o reasoning skills. Thanks, Teresa What do you do when this person is your husband’s ex-wife? A person you really can’t completely avoid… at least until the kids are grown up. Sometimes I feel as though she is my ex-wife. She is a very difficult person w/o reasoning skills.
Thanks,
Teresa

]]> By: JT http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-3742 JT Thu, 07 Jul 2005 01:49:52 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-3742 What if this person is your mother? What if this person is your mother?

]]> By: pauly storey http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-3289 pauly storey Wed, 22 Jun 2005 19:10:31 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-3289 Hi there Some good points you made , but some staff can be just in need of a confident boost , it's not just about firing them ... You can help people out to achieve things and that makes you appreciated more .. That's all I would say .. Rgds Pauly in Eire Hi there

Some good points you made , but some staff can be just in need of a confident boost , it’s not just about firing them …

You can help people out to achieve things and that makes you appreciated more ..
That’s all I would say ..

Rgds
Pauly in Eire

]]> By: yitz http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-237 yitz Wed, 01 Dec 2004 17:31:30 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-237 i was hoping you can send a diagnosis of alexathemia in a couple of paragraphs thanx a mil i was hoping you can send a diagnosis of alexathemia in a couple of paragraphs
thanx a mil

]]> By: Zka http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-181 Zka Mon, 22 Nov 2004 13:20:32 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-181 Absolutely true, I had a job once that I had left just because of the bosses were stupid and abusive (the co-workers were very nice and intelligent otherwise). I didn't regret it for a minute. Absolutely true, I had a job once that I had left just because of the bosses were stupid and abusive (the co-workers were very nice and intelligent otherwise). I didn’t regret it for a minute.

]]> By: Steve Pavlina http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-179 Steve Pavlina Sun, 21 Nov 2004 19:56:07 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-179 I read that IGDA report too, and it didn't surprise me. In many ways the dynamics at such software companies are similar to those of an abusive relationship. Even seemingly intelligent people can be psychologically manipulated into working under such conditions; it's a lot like joining a cult how you become cut off from other sane people and conditioned to believe that making an entertainment product is a noble cause worthy of sacrificing everything else (health, relationships, etc). I read that IGDA report too, and it didn’t surprise me. In many ways the dynamics at such software companies are similar to those of an abusive relationship. Even seemingly intelligent people can be psychologically manipulated into working under such conditions; it’s a lot like joining a cult how you become cut off from other sane people and conditioned to believe that making an entertainment product is a noble cause worthy of sacrificing everything else (health, relationships, etc).

]]> By: Crimson http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-178 Crimson Sun, 21 Nov 2004 19:52:34 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-178 You make good points. I also prefer solutions where you deal with the problem head on, rather than leaving. But this is for situations where you're otherwise happy in the situation except for a few seriously annoying things. Sometimes, as you mentioned, the entire setup is just untenable and leaving is truly the best option. I'm exploring consulting angles to figure out how put myself into a position so that I don't have to deal with this (BTW, can you recommend any good consulting resources?). I like the fact that you provide options to people for dealing with the situation rather than having to live with it. Suprise! We're not as helpless as we think! You make good points. I also prefer solutions where you deal with the problem head on, rather than leaving. But this is for situations where you’re otherwise happy in the situation except for a few seriously annoying things. Sometimes, as you mentioned, the entire setup is just untenable and leaving is truly the best option. I’m exploring consulting angles to figure out how put myself into a position so that I don’t have to deal with this (BTW, can you recommend any good consulting resources?).

I like the fact that you provide options to people for dealing with the situation rather than having to live with it. Suprise! We’re not as helpless as we think!

]]> By: GBGames http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-177 GBGames Sun, 21 Nov 2004 18:18:47 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-177 That last part should ring true, especially in light of the problems at EA. When the IGDA released its open letter regarding quality of life issues, some people responded like "If you can't take it, move out of the way and let someone else take it who is willing to work the long hours". I think that it is a bad attitude to take, and working long hours is the norm. These people can't easily leave EA and work elsewhere if they expect to have better conditions. And not everyone is cut out to leave the mainstream industry and become an indie developer/publisher. I believe that quality of life issues in the game industry are important. Yeah, everyone has a choice of whether to stay, but with companies like EA able to fire you and hire people who would love to work in the industry, you lose the talent and experience of those, and the cycle starts again. Those new people will become disgruntled and might also leave the industry. But I think this all makes sense. If you value the quality of your life highly, leaving the mainstream game industry, as painful as it might be, might be your only option, especially if you don't find being an indie attractive. That last part should ring true, especially in light of the problems at EA. When the IGDA released its open letter regarding quality of life issues, some people responded like “If you can’t take it, move out of the way and let someone else take it who is willing to work the long hours”. I think that it is a bad attitude to take, and working long hours is the norm. These people can’t easily leave EA and work elsewhere if they expect to have better conditions. And not everyone is cut out to leave the mainstream industry and become an indie developer/publisher.

I believe that quality of life issues in the game industry are important. Yeah, everyone has a choice of whether to stay, but with companies like EA able to fire you and hire people who would love to work in the industry, you lose the talent and experience of those, and the cycle starts again. Those new people will become disgruntled and might also leave the industry.

But I think this all makes sense. If you value the quality of your life highly, leaving the mainstream game industry, as painful as it might be, might be your only option, especially if you don’t find being an indie attractive.

]]> By: ketan http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-176 ketan Sun, 21 Nov 2004 18:04:53 +0000 http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/11/dealing-with-difficult-people/#comment-176 hi steve just to let you know that i love reading your blogs. keep up the good work regards ketan mumbai india hi steve

just to let you know that i love reading your blogs. keep up the good work

regards

ketan
mumbai
india

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